It’s just amazing guys!
If I had a dime for every time I didn’t understand what’s going on,
I'd be like: "Why y'all keep giving me all these dimes?"
Why are snow cones never sold with lemon flavor?
Well, you should know.
How does a cowboy start his day?
He reboots
A zoo just had several break-ins and many animals are now running around loose in the park. In today’s meeting however, management was only concerned about discussing changes to the gift shop…
I'm not sure why we're not addressing the elephant in the room…
What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two I'm sorry…
Jane always had a certain attraction to Tarzan. So during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex.
"Tarzan not know what is sex" he replied. Jane then explained to him what sex was. Tarzan said …."Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree." Stunned by his response, Jane said: "Tarzan you have it all wrong, you don't shag a tree to get yourself off. Tell you what, I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground. "Here" she said, pointing to her privates,"you must put it in here." Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her as hard as he could in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually she managed to grasp for air and screamed: "What the bloody hell did you do that for? "Check for squirrel." he responds
A mathematician walks into a bar, asks for a beer for himself, and then 10 beers for everyone else there.
The bartender says, âWow! Thatâs a different order of magnitude.â
Always knock before opening the fridge.
There could be salad dressing in there.
My daughter asks me all the time âDaddy, can you put my shoes on?â
âNo, I don't think they'll fit me.â Is my go to answer. Bless her she still laughs and says âsilly daddyâ. Sheâs 3 đ
What happens when someone steals uranium
It becomes theiranium
The only thing that Flat-Earthers fear.
Is sphere itself.
Did you hear about the Dad joke sweeping the globe?
Its called the Groaner virus
Doctor, I have a sexual problem.
"Doctor," the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore. "Mr. Garrett, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do." The next day, the worried fellow returned with his wife. "Take off your clothes, Mrs. Garrett," the medic said. "Now turn all the way around. Lie down please. Uh-huh, I see. Okay, you may put your clothes back on." The doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health," he said. "Your wife didn't give me an erection either."
Neil DeGrasse Tyson, Stephen Hawking, and Bill Nye walk into a bar.
Neil and Bill look at Stephen Hawking and yell, "My God, Stephen, you're cured!"
Where does King TâChalla live?
In a Wacondo. My son and I just came up with that joke, driving past Disneyworld.
If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep…
That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.
If a bisexual isn’t dating anyone…
…does that mean they're on standbi?
My grandpa got a prescription for Viagra.
Grandma's taking it pretty hard.
There is a sell on Liam Neeson movie.
But, it was already Taken.
![The Invisible Man [OC]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/74snu9ek96b41-400x433.png)
MRW my friend asks what happens to atoms under heat (X-post from /r/shittyreactiongifs)
https://ift.tt/3c5GHPr
Dad jokes are important
They are a big part of pop culture
“I can’t ever see you again. I won’t let you hurt me like this again. Abuse is never OK.”
Trainer: It was one sit up. You did one sit up.
A man is on is death sentence and he gets to choose his last meal
He asks his guard for a McDonald's Ice Cream, and lives a very long life, they never found a working machine.
I’m terrified of random letters
me: i'm terrified of random letters therapist: you are? me: [screams] therapist: oh i see me: [screaming intensifies]
I can’t stress how many dirty minded redditors commented on my cakeday joke saying they thought the the monk would cream the girl, so this one’s for you guys.
At the party, impressed by both the monk's cooking skills, along with his manners and good looks, that she approached the monk, hoping to develop a friendship with him. They were quick to develop chemistry, and the girl's feelings evolved into love for the monk, who was close to her age. One day, the girl was dying to know if her feelings would be reciprocated, so she invited the monk over to her house. When he reached there, he was met by a beautiful woman in equally beautiful lingerie, and the girl professed her undying love for the monk. "I know you're probably a virgin, and that having sex is against your religion, so I understand if you don't feel the same," she said. Knowing that the monk would never give up the chance at Nirvana to be with her, she looked crestfallen until the monk took her to her bed and said, "I've lived my life a horny virgin. I love you, but losing my virginity means I'm going to have to lose an essential part of myself." "You don't mean you'll give up being a monk for me?" she said. "What?" the monk asked, very surprised. "No, now that I'm no longer a horny virgin, I have to delete my Reddit account."
My wife sued for divorce because she said I couldn’t get an erection.
I had evidence to the contrary, but it wouldn't stand up in court.
