It’s kinda true…
Every Programming Tutorial But In 2007-2009
Its clearly the superior option
Until the bitter end
What do lawyers wear to work?
I’ve developed a fetish for figuring things out.
I just came to that realization.
A programmer made this query in Hong Kong…….
Only carbon-based life forms will get this
My wife insisted that I read “Pride and Prejudice”, but I said no.
I’m too good for it, and I have a feeling that the book will lecture me.
An interesting title
My surname is Turner and my daughter…
Well she’s a real Paige Turner
Three sisters get married, each to another man
The men's now mother in-law decides to test all of them. She decides to take each of them on a walk separately. The mother in-law takes the first guy on a walk. She "accidentally" falls into a deep pond. The man doesn't hesitate, he jumps in and saves her. The next day, the man gets a phone notification that he received 500 dollars with the description: "thanks for all you did for me – Your mother in-law, Sarah She then tests the second guy and again, "accidentally" falls into the same pond. He doesn't hesitate either, and jumps in to save her. The next day, he too gets a notification on his phone that he received 500 dollars, also with the description: "thanks for all you did for me – Your mother in-law, Sarah She then tests the third guy and again "accidentally" falls into the pond. The guy looks around if anyone can see, decides that no one is watching, and walks away. The next day, he gets a phone notification that he received 500 dollars aswell with the description: "thanks for all you did for me – Your father in-law, James"
how to flip the symbol like a champ
Diarrhea Awareness starts tomorrow.
Runs for 2 days.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer the other day…
I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
This made me laugh first because they were next to each other
I’d drink to that
Just lo-fi meme for you, guys
But, guess I’ll skip
Trump’s MAGA morons are the dumbest fucking people on the planet
Petition to make this the subreddit logo
Apple fans will downvote
6:30 is my favourite time.
Found one in the wild
そっか (is that so?)
Should English be the only official language of the EU?
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English". In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home.
She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
My friend Lee told me he just found out his wife was pregnant
I told him, "It seems you are a father now, a parent Lee."
EggNut doing his thing
If Titanic sank today
When you opened .txt with Visual Studio
How’s your Work From Home Going?
Yes programmers run too.
What does a deaf gynecologist do?
He reads lips Credit to https contagious laughter
A Jewish man sent his son to Jerusalem for vacation.
Upon his son's return, the father finds out that his son has turned Christian! So, the father goes to his friend for emotional support. He says “Ethan, I sent my son over to Jerusalem, and he came back Christian”! “That’s odd…” His friend said, “I sent my son over to Jerusalem, and he came back Christian too”! They both decide to go to their Synagogue and talk to the Rabbi. “Rabbi, Ethan and I sent our sons over to Jerusalem, and they came back Christian”! “That’s odd…” the Rabbi said “I sent my son over to Jerusalem, and he came back Christian too”! Utterly dumbfounded, all three of the men decide to fly over to Jerusalem to see if they can get any answers. The three men arrive in Jerusalem and looked around for the better part of a day and found no clues. So, they go to the West wall and kneel down. The Rabbi prays, “Oh, God! Give us wisdom. We sent our sons to Jerusalem, and each one came back Christian”! As they were kneeling, God said, ”That’s odd…” Edit: a word
Whatever the reason, just don’t :P
it explains so much
I’m going to hell for this one….
A teacher, a lawyer, and a priest were sitting together on an airplane. The pilot comes over the PA and says “I’m sorry folks, but we’ve just lost both engines. We’re going to crash and die.” The teacher exclaims “Oh my God, the poor children!” The lawyer replies “Fuck the children!” The priest asks “Do we have time?”
Time consuming program
Wanna hear a HIPAA joke?
Sorry, I can't tell you.
Who is Stan?
And how did he get so many countries named after him?
A bunch of crows ganged up and killed a chicken.
It was a murder most fowl.
Know the difference
I bumped my elbow digging for gold.
It was a miner injury.
Let’s interview some rocks
Drake in Tabs vs. Spaces debate
What do Alexander the great and Winnie the pooh have in common?
Same middle name
What’s the definition of a Will?
Come on guys! It's a Dead Giveaway!
What do Mormons play instead of “Fuck, Marry, Kill”?
Marry, Marry, Marry
A work friend just sent me this. Not sure how to cope
I just called the tinnitus hotline…
It wouldn't stop ringing!
The three guys at an interview joke just posted here reminded me of another version we used to tell about 20 years ago.. is it a repost? I don’t know, probably yes, but does anyone really care ;) ?
Three guys interviewing to be a detective. The final step is with the chief inspector who says, "Ahh, so you wanna be detectives, eh? The first skill you need is perception, let's see how you guys do with that" He calls them into his office one by one. The first guy goes in and is shown a picture of a recently captured criminal. Tattooed face, large scar, he's quite recognisable. The inspector says, "Take a close look, and I want you to memorize and remember all the features that will help you identify this man in a crowd" After a minute, the man is done. The Inspector turns the picture over and says, "Well, go on, describe him to me" The man responds, "Well it wouldn't be hard to find this guy, given that he has only one ear". The inspector stares blankly, turns the picture over and says, "What sort of a moron are you? This is a side profile of the man.. don't tell me you thought… ugh, get out and stop wasting my time!" The second guy is called in and given the same challenge. After his minute he says, "Well, I couldn't really focus on much other than the fact that he has only one eye" Visibly frustrated, the inspector bellows, "What is wrong with you people, do you not know what a side profile is?! Get out, and call the last guy in!!" The last guy comes in and is given the same challenge. The inspector adds, "You know what, take 5 minutes.. and think carefully before you answer" 5 minutes later, the young man turns the picture over himself and says, "You know, I'll bet he wears contact lenses" The inspector scrunches his eyebrows and then squints at the young man in silence for a few moments. Not wanting to potentially get embarrassed, he excuses himself to go check the man's criminal profile. 2 minutes later, he steps back in. A pleased but puzzles look on his face, he says, "Well, yes.. yes he does wear contacts lenses. How could you tell?" Visibly delighted with himself, the young man beams back with a smile, "Oh, it took a while to think of it, but there's no way he could wear regular glasses with only one eye and one ear"
I work in a kitchen in a local restaurant, today I tried to start a food-fight with the other chef…
I threw some spaghetti her way, but it went right pasta.
Not a single economist or health-care expert in this Loser Lineup
So we want you all to stay home and keep your distance.
I saw a frenchmen playing a Wii.
He called it a Yes Box.
Yeah that’s enough to stop you forever
Philadelphia is known for more than their cream cheese
Why haven’t Aliens visited our Solar System yet? …
They looked at the reviews… Only 1 star.