He was good at finding solutions to inequalities.
Apparently the correct term is conjoined twins.
It will come back to me.
HE: There's a spider in your bra.
All groan up.
I have a complex complex complex…
Astronaut 2: In space, no one can. Here, use cream.
I looked at it and thought, “This isn’t for me.”
"When Trump passes by, we all swear, spit, and throw rotten fruit on him" The Russian: "When Putin passes by, we all piss on him" The American: "I exaggerated a little – we swear whispering, spit aside, and while throwing, we don't hit". The Russian: "And I exaggerated too – when we piss, we don't take off our pants".
"Fuck off," I said, "nobody's got arms that long"
A married couple is lying in bed one night. The wife is curled up, ready to go to sleep, and the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book. As he's reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special bits. He does this a few times, but only for a very short interval before returning to read his book.The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused and, assuming that her husband is seeking some encouragement before going further, she gets up and starts stripping in front of him. The husband is confused and asks, "Why are you taking off your clothes"? His wife replies, "You were rubbing me downtown. I thought it was foreplay". The husband says, "No, not at all". His wife asks angrily, "Well, what the hell were you doing then"? I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in my book.
I have no idea who let her into my office.
It goes back four seconds.
The first dog, a big dog, walks to the bar and asks for 3 frothy beers. The barman is stunned and exclaims "What!? A talking dog! I can't believe it!" The dog sighs. "I get this all the time! I'm a talking dog. Whoopty doo. My name is Huey and I do regular dog things. I chase cars, drag my arse on the carpet, eat bones and fuck old socks." He takes the beers and returns to his seat. 15 minutes later the second dog, an even bigger dog, approaches the bar and orders 3 frothy beers. "You're kidding me! Another talking dog!?". The dog sighs. "I get this all the time! I'm a talking dog. Whoopty doo. My name is Duey and I do regular dog things. I chase cars, drag my arse on the carpet, eat bones and fuck old socks." He takes the beers and returns to his seat. 15 minutes later the third dog approaches the bar. The barman excitedly asks "Let me guess, your name is Luey and you do regular dog things too?" "No." the dog replied, "My name is Socks and I've had a terrible day .. just get the fucking beers."
It was an ether/oar situation.
He replies: "I am not your dad"
Oh wait nvm, she's back. Just went to go to the bathroom.
Because they lactose.
They formed an alloy-ence
They get toad.
One will see you later and the other will see you in a while
The customer asks "Why do you have a spoon in your pocket?" To which the waiter replies "It's part of a new program to save time the restaurant is doing. If I drop a soup spoon, I can quickly replace it with the spoon in my pocket, and then switch the dirty one out next time I'm in the kitchen." The customer is visibly impressed. He then notices something else. He asks "Is that the same reason you have a ketchup bottle in your apron?" The waiter says "Exactly!" The customer says "One last question. Why is there a string coming out of your fly?" The waiter explains "That string is tied to my penis. When i go pee, i just have to unzip and then give it a tug. That way, i save valuable time not having to wash my hands." The customer says "I see. But how do you get your penis back in your pants without touching it?" The waiter replies "I don't know about the other waiters, but I use my spoon."
A Popesicle! Get it? Because it's holy. My kids didn't get it either…
Dress her up as a choir boy.
I can’t stand it!
“What are you drinking?” he asks the guy. “Magic beer,” he says. “Oh, yeah? What’s so magical about it?” Then he shows him: He swigs some beer, dives off the roof, flies around the building, then finally returns to his seat with a triumphant smile. “Amazing!” the man says. “Lemme try some of that!” The man grabs the beer. He downs it, leaps off the roof —and plummets 15 stories to the ground. The bartender shakes his head. “You know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”
but all the seats were taken.
But when I got home, the tables were turned
…the guy knew how to make a point.
No text found
A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!”
The lumberjack grinned and said: “And you will dialogue.”
As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop,he sees a $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: “5 lamb chops, please.”
As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop,he sees a $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "5 lamb chops, please." Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth,and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus-stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck. As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" bell, then the butcher follows him off. The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the step. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and shouting at the dog. The butcher runs up and screams at the guy: "What the hell are you doing? This dog's a genius!" The owner responds, "Genius, my ass……… It's the second time this week he's forgotten his keys!
The Church Prayed Daily against the bar business. Days later the bar was struck by lightning & caught fire which destroyed it. Bar Owner Sued the Church Authorities for the cause of its destruction, as it was an action because of their Prayer. The Church Denied all Responsibility!!! So, the judge commented, "It's Difficult to Decide the Case because here we have a Bar Owner Who Believes in the Power of Prayer & an Entire Church that Doesn't Believe in it"
All the passengers got scared…. Then from the other side of the plane a guy shouted back…"Hey Dave".