It’s so unnecessary
Anyone can learn to roast beef.
In retrospect, I think my addiction just got out of hand.
Just a hint: I didn't ask a question
It won't do anything to protect you from getting sick, but people will stay six feet away
A whim away a whim away a whim away
I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day
It was the best dam program I've ever seen
Well, some of the reviews say it’s just a waist of space
a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."
It’s a complex complex complex complex. Credit: my buddy Drew
We are 11 days into self-isolation ands it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks.
Don’t get me wrong, I empathize with her. I’ve considered letting her in many times, but rules are rules.
Quacks in the pavement.
The lifeguard noticed and blew his whistle so loud, I almost fell in
I put an instrument at the start of this sentence.
Because spreading misinformation is government's job.
2B or not 2B
The look on their face when you're nailing them.
When it turns into a driveway.
So you care about the wall
So far no one has given me a straight answer
This is as close as I could get though.
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It was a bit difficult at first but now everything's falling into place.
and says, "can I have a martini please?" "Dry?" "No, just one."
….most crows drank at home.