It’s the same
I need some help fixing my new pen.
Anyone have any tips?
If i had a dollar for every girl that didn’t find me attractive,
they'd eventually find me attractive.
What did the painter say after his vehicle was stolen?
Where’d the Van Gogh?
A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
It is okay if you don’t know what “prefix” means.
It’s not the end of the word.
It took me two hours to grill a chicken the other day…
And it still didn't tell my why it crossed the road!!!
My cousin is mute and likes to communicate via embroidery
I guess it's a version of sign language, sew to speak
Saw this at the grocery store after the Kellogg’s comment
Saw this at the grocery store after the Kellogg’s comment
The world champion tounge twister got arrested the other day
I heard they're going to give him a tough sentence
How is Donald Trump like a jack-o-lantern?
They are both orange, round and should be thrown out in early November.
I can’t believe that even after 15 years of the show ending, people are still making “Friends” references.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
My best mate told me he was totally into Beyonce.
I said "whatever floats your boat mate" He said "No, thats buoyancy"
Time flies like an arrow,
and fruit flies like a banana.
I am Barby girl in a Barby wooorld, life in plastic is fantastic!
I am Barby girl in a Barby wooorld, life in plastic is fantastic!
You’ve seen Garfield on a Monday, now what about Garfield on a Tuesday?
You’ve seen Garfield on a Monday, now what about Garfield on a Tuesday?
You haven’t tried the delicious Bacon-Liver-Anchovy sandwich?
You're missing gout.
[SPOILER] Star Wars
https://imgur.com/lglgd2E
“You look like a guy I dated once,” said this woman in a bar.
I said, "Oh…really?" She said, "Yeah. I didn't see him a second time because I thought he was ugly."
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot.
It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
President Trump made it illegal for stores to sell shredded cheese
“Make America grate again”
Did you hear about what happened to the guy from the keyboard factory?
He was fired for not putting in enough Shifts.
A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says
"Five beers,please."
I will die in a month
but don't know in which one.
A military commander calls his soldiers and says: “the first one of you that gets rid of the mole in my garden will get a promotion!”
One of the soldiers goes in and catches it. "So now what do I do with it, sir?" Asks the soldier to the commander. "Oh well…" said the commander, considering many options : "That mole made a hell of a mess in my garden… so please, punish it with the worst thing you can think of". So the soldier goes in the back of the garden, and after a few hours comes back. "So… what did you do to the mole?" Asked the commander. "Ohoh! Commander!" The soldier laughed: "I did the most horrible thing ever! Try to take a guess!" "Did you… cut it in pieces while it was still conscious?" "Even worse!" "Hmm… did you throw him to the rabid dogs?" "Even worse!" "Oh my god! What the hell did you do to that mole?!" "I buried it alive!"
My neighbor knocked on my door this morning at 2:30 AM!
Luckily for him i was still up playing my drums