It’s wondering what’s beyond the Sea…
Why did donald trump throw the sick eagle out of USA?
Because it was an illeagle.
Getting mocked by dessert…
How do you spot a blind man on a nude beach?
Its not hard
Found in the wild.
It’s probably been posted before but I still find this to be hilarious
I thought it was a booger
But it snot.
This was sad
its Great so far
A good mom let’s you lick the batter off the mixer.
A great mom turns off the mixer first.
The best gift for me.
Found on QuizUp…
A man in a wheelchair just stole my camouflage jacket :(
I hope he knows he can hide but he can’t run
You could view the cross on the cover of the Holy Bible as a big time spoiler….
“This is your captain speaking,
AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING."
I keep seeing the quote on women’s tinder profiles, “If I was meant to be controlled I would have come with a remote.”
Jokes on them, I've been turning women off for years without a remote.
I yelled “Cow!” at a woman on a bike…
She gave me the finger. Then she ran into a cow. I tried.
Saw this in the wild.
I took my mom to the computer hardware repair store.
It didn't take much time to make my mother bored.
Posted on a capitalism fb page
A scam is a scam
Why did Cinderella get kicked off the basketball team?
She ran away from the ball.
Those damn liberals!
I feel alone
Peter Parker didn’t always want to be a super hero
He originally had dreams of being a web designer
Haha so funny. Phone bad
The real reason why Trump doesn’t want to wear a mask
I was going to make a joke that I thought was really clean
But my mother told me that it wasn’t polished enough
Two Thai girls asked me if I wanted to sleep with them.
They said it would be like winning the lottery. To my horror they were right, we had six matching balls.
Consider your priorities
I need this
Shared by single boomer aunt
A man spoke to each of his 3 sons when he sent them off to college…
"I feel it's my duty to provide you with the best possible education, and you do not owe me anything for that. However, I want you to appreciate it. As a token, please each put $1,000 into my coffin when I die." And so it happened. His sons became a doctor, a lawyer and a financial planner, each very successful financially. When their father's time had come, and they saw their father in the coffin, they remembered his wish. First, the doctor put 10 newly printed crisp $100 bills onto the chest of the deceased. Then, the financial planner also put $1,000 there in 20 newly printed crisp $50 bills. Finally, it was the heartbroken lawyer's turn. He reached into his pocket, took out his checkbook, wrote a check for $3,000, put it into his father's coffin, and took the $2,000 cash. The lawyer is now running for Congress, possibly in your district.
Right Fly speaking the truth om so many levels.
I wonder what my wife’s favourite US state is.
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
We’d better get some support or people will think we’re nuts.
When you set your Time Machine to Year One, Day One:
Son: “Daddy, I fell in love and want to date this awesome girl.”
Father: "That's great, son! Who is she?" Son: "It's Sandra, the neighbor's daughter." Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Sandra is actually your sister." The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later: Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!" Father: "That's great, son! Who is she?" Son: "It's Angela, the other neighbor's daughter." Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. Angela is also your sister." This went on a few more times, and finally the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying. Son: "Mom, I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with six girls and I can't date any of them because dad is their father!" The mother hugs him affectionately and says, "You can date whoever you want. He isn't your father!"
Ok Fox News
The destroyer of RAM
A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers…
He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.
What do you call an annoyed lobster?
I love pressing the F5 key.
It's very refreshing.
to make America great again
I got called pretty today.
Actually the full statement was "You're pretty dumb" but I'm only focusing on positive things today.
is this even
Scientists got bored of watching the earth spin so after 24 hours
They called it a day
How does a cucumber become a pickle?
It goes through a jarring experience.
Me at family events without alcohol and surrounded by screaming toddlers
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl urinate?
Because they have been extinct for millions of years.
The reply is more interesting than the post itself
Spotted on my Stepdad’s Facebook feed …
its a boomers boomer
I just cross-bred an alligator and a homing pigeon.
I expect that'll come back to bite me.
What did the mod say to the redditor?
Sorry for this joke
Last night in jail, they gave us mint chocolates for dessert. I thought they’d be be gross, but they were actually pretty good…
Turns out that in-prison mint isn't as bad as I expected!
Accordion to a recent study, 90% of people didn’t realize
I put an instrument at the start of this sentence.
a VERY very VERY InTeReStInG TiTlE
Why was the fool left hanging?
No text found
I made a boomer comic. if you can’t beat them, join them
Phone bad, peas good
Found in photography class
Black Hole Rick
My girlfriend wanted me to fill the bathtub up with milk
I asked if she wanted it pasteurized. She said, "No, up to my tits is fine."