I’ve been asking people what LGBTQ means
But no one has given me a straight answer
You could be my ‘let sweety;’ but after I engaged You, You were my ‘const sweety;’ :) <3
https://ift.tt/359FZgf
Mality, Mality, Mality, Mality.
Now that we’ve got the four malities out the way, we can begin.
Why do parallel lines get on so well?
Because they’re straight up with each other.
My wife is furious at me for throwing a snowball at my son.
On top of it, I’m also banned from the maternity ward.
![A [wholesome] boomer xmas comic](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/4dn9yfcdau341-400x548.jpg)
Why don’t ants get sick?
Because of their antybodies
Why is your nose in the middle of your face ?
Because it's the scenter
Why did the protons vote for Harry Potter to be president?
Because they didn't want to elect ron
Divorce lawyer: I’m sorry to say, but all of your husband’s assets are Frozen.
Wife: How? Lawyer: I’m not sure, but he has 2000 DVDs of the movie for some reason.
Jokes about the weather can be funny…
To a certain degree.
When you’re in California, make sure your mechanic uses a state flag to check your oil…
Then you’ll get a, “Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis!"
Handjobs [nsfw]
A man stands in front of a food truck and reads the menu: "Cheeseburgers: $5 Fries: $3 Handjobs: $10." He walks up to the window and asks the beautiful blonde working behind the counter, "Are you the one that gives the handjobs?" "Yes, I am," she replies seductively. "Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."
We went to a wedding and my drunk wife asked me what I thought of her dancing.
I said, “You are just staggering.”
My boss asked me if I could perform under pressure.
I said no but I do I a pretty good bohemian rhapsody.
Why can’t you trust atoms?
because they make up everything.
eBay is so useless.
I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 12579 matches
What did the grape say when it got crushed?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
My girlfriend refused to have unprotected sex
I understand, she is deadly allergic to nuts.
Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times and she won’t believe you.
Tell a woman she’s fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
How does Wesley serve your steak dip sandwich?
Au jus wish.
I’ve got a memory of an elephant.
I remember when I went to the zoo and saw an elephant.
Today I saw an ad that said: “radio for sale, 1$, volume stuck on full.”
I thought, "I can't turn that down."
“Hey Dad, why is my sister called Teresa?”
"Because your mum loves easter and it's an anagram of easter !" "Thanks dad !" "No problem Alan"
Do you know what Yoda’s last name is?
It's Lay Hee Hoo
Want to hear a joke about paper?
Nevermind it's tearable.
If “womb” is pronounced “woom”, “tomb” is pronounced “toom” then shouldn’t “bomb” be pronounced
"BOOM" I hope that blew your minds
