I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years.
But nobody will do it.
Because a bath with you would send me to heaven.
The front row at a Trump rally.
They ignore my existence and only talk to me when they need something.
Because one is a repost.
Police Let It Go With A Warning
Because they’re good buoys
Man being a teacher is hard
Its not hard
Is the bar tender here?
He couldn’t see that well.
He was gladiator.
And it’s discussing fucking.
He tries everything he knows to do, but finally calls his father for help. Mom and Dad come up to mall parking lot, dad gets into the car, turns the key once, and the engine roars to life. The teenager is shocked at how easy it was. "Dad! What did you do differently? I tried everything!" "It was easy son. I'm wearing my cargo shorts."
A guy takes his wife out for the night. They end up at a disco where there’s a guy on the dance floor giving it large – break dancing, moon-walking, back flips, every dance move going…
The wife turns to her husband and says, “See that guy on the dance floor? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.” The husband replies, “It looks like he’s still celebrating.”
He didn't even complete his sentence
Two old men are sitting poolside when the first one asks, “Have you read Marx?” The other one replies…
“Yes, I believe that comes from sitting on these wicker chairs.”
It's not stroganoff.
Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt from you for years.
He asks his dad to explain government. His dad thinks for a minute, and explains it like this: I am Congress, your mom is the judicial system, your sister is the unemployed, you are the group too young to vote, and the maid is the working class. So that night, little Johnny is trying to figure out what his dad meant, and got up to get a drink. On his way to the kitchen, he watched his sister sneak out of the house with her boyfriend. He grabbed his drink, and on the way back to his room, he saw his dad sneak down to the maid's room. The next morning he tells his dad, so I think I have it figured out. His dad asks, so how do you think it works? Little Johnny says: "The unemployed are out fucking around while Congress is screwing the working class, the judicial system is asleep, and the people too young to vote are watching it all happen…"
She said: "Thanks dad, that means a great deal."
Because he had a ton of sick beets.
Cause you just keep repeating the same shit
My mum used to tell me fairy stories with a happy ending. Just one of the benefits of having a masseuse as a parent I guess.
Find out after the break!