I’ve been roped into posting this on reddit
"Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue." "What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. "Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too." No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths' for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."
He is my Czech mate.
I told her “no it doesn’t”
He’s become a Mister E…
He meant well.
My son wanted some girl advice, so I told him, “If you are intimidated by a date, remember one thing.”
They are just big raisins.
I said, “Usually to avoid answering questions like these.”
Last night my date asked, “So how come you haven’t already been snapped up?” I replied, “I’ve been married before, but it didn’t work out. She said I was far too inattentive.”
"Oh, that's so sad! Did you have any kids?" "Probably."
Should I be worried, or is it just a phrase?
Look for the fresh prints.
I refuse to go that level
The only issue is I’m having trouble finding the right audience.
He can’t say ‘please’ which I think is poor for four
Being homeschooled sucks.
Ones a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
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The followed response, "Guys calm down, it's just a drill."
You console it.
"I Still Love Easter BABY!"
Me: Usually to avoid answering such questions.
They’re both meat substitutes.
But, baby, it’s cold outside!
Wife:why is it that you don't like anyone from my side of family? Husband: No way, I love your Mother-in-law more than my Mother-in-law.
He wrote poultry for her.