I’ve got this awful disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes…
The doctor says it’s terminal.
I broke up with my college girlfriend because she was obsessed with finding the largest known prime number.
I wonder what she is up to now.
Regardless, I'm told his family cried heaps at the funeral.
And boy, are my arms Thor!
It might take me a minute to get hard, I just got laid this morning.
As he lays there, unable to move, he thinks about all the rejection he has faced. Countless women, scared off by his grotesque appearance, have avoided all contact with him. Never been kissed, never been loved. As he reflects on his sad, lonely existence, a beautiful, busty young lady, in a very skimpy bikini, is walking past. She sees him – a small, limbless blob – out the corner of her eye. He gives her a smile and she smiles back. And then, she starts walking over to him! As she approaches he thinks to himself – “maybe this is it!” She gets nearer and nearer, her smile growing with each step, until she is right next to him. She leans down, gives him a big kiss on the cheek, and whispers in his ear: “Have you ever been fucked?” Excitedly, the man responds “no!” The woman replies “well you’re fucked now, mate. The tide’s coming in.”
One of them rubs it, and a mystical blue genie flies out of it! "Hello! I am genie! Since there are 3 of you, you each get 1 wish! "I wish for a large piece of meat!" The first dinosaur said. And so a large slab of meat materialized before his eyes and plopped down in front of him! "I wish for a meat shower!" The second dinosaur said. And so the genie made all different sorts of meats from different animals rain from a small cloud above the dinosaur's head. Not wanting to be outdone by his friends the third dinosaur quickly tries to think of something better. "I wish for a meatier shower!"
The girl said. The boy chuckled "that's fine what made you Convert?" The girl turned and said "I feel more like a Christina than a Christian"
The girl points at the mom’s pubic hair and says “Mommy, what’s that?” The mom, not knowing how to respond, replies “Uh, it’s my washcloth”. The daughter accepts this answer and runs off to play. About two weeks later, the mother finds herself in the same precarious situation. “Mommy! Where did your washcloth go?” the girl says in shock. “I lost it, honey” replies the mom. “Ok!” The daughter says as she darts off. Later that night as the mother is on the couch reading a book the daughter runs in, excited, “Mommy!! Mommy!! I found your washcloth!” “You did?! Where was it??” “The maid has it!” the daughter shouted “And she’s washing daddy’s face with it!”
Because they lactose.
You have no more energy left to live, you just need try to fuel yourself.
The judge warned him to expect a really long sentence.
I always need to console myself.
So that he has 3 squared meals per day
I said "Sir, this is 2020. You can use any printer you want".
A solid 10, but also imaginary
I guess they just weren't up her alley. God she's such a pinhead.
But it’s definitely up there.
Every time I pull the trigger grasshoppers fly out.
He was later awarded the Nobel prize for his scientific achievements. edit:OC
The scientific experiments altered his jeans
"You know, one would have been enough."
When you pee on them, they disappear.
Even the cake was in tiers.
Because once they had a fight and 71.
It's not hard