The virus is literally making us go fuck ourselves.
They had been lost for a long time and were both starving. While walking, one of the hunters notices a tree that has thin slices of meat hanging from it. He yells to the other and points towards the tree: "Look, we're saved!!! There's a BACON TREE!!!". He starts running for the tree when all of a sudden a group of armed men appear and start shooting at him. The hunter turns right back and yells at his friend "RUN!!! IT'S NOT A BACON TREE, IT'S A HAM BUSH!!!!"
HE: There's a spider in your bra.
I haven't touched it in years.
Because she couldn't ketchup
You have a one-track mind.
I thought, well I just can’t turn that down
You have to be asleep or they can't come.
Age 16-32 : Tri-weekly Ages 32-55: Try-weekly Over 55: Try-weakly
Allow me to demenstruate.
Who’s there? Daisy. Daisy who? Daisy me rollin’ they hatin’
Running, jk rowling
I watched her as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street, up my driveway and knocked on my door. I opened the door, she looked at me and said, ”I just got home, and I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and have fun tonight. Are you doing anything?” I quickly replied, “Nope, I’m free!” “Great” she said. ”Can you watch my dog?”
Good players are hard to find.
A new camp commander was appointed and while inspecting the place, he saw 2 privates guarding a bench. He went over there and asked them why do they guard it. "We don't know. The last commander told us to do so, and so we did!" He searched for last commander's phone number, and called him to ask him why did he want guards in this particular bench. "I don't know. The previous commander had guards, and I kept the tradition". Going back another 3 commanders, he found a now 100 year old retired General. "- Excuse me sir. I'm now the CO of your camp. I've found 2 guards assigned on a bench. Why did you put them there?" "- What? The paint is still wet?!?"
It’s a trap
So i send them to school wearing crocs and anime shirts and let other kids beat them instead
So far all I have is 9.
Dog: Tell me a joke Man: Don’t be silly, you’re a dog Dog: Oh, go on Man: You’re a dog, you won’t understand Dog: Do it anyway, pleeeeese Man: OK. Knock Knock Dog: Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof……….
Republicans don't think they're funny, and Democrats don't think they're jokes.
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It has a nice ring to it.
Me: "Why?" Bouncer: "I have no idea who you are and this is my trampoline."
As a muffler specialist, I replied, "I'm the one that's really exhausted."