Jesus Christ
Why don’t blind people pick up their guide-dog’s poop?
Because they can't see shit.
Girl: come over
Guy: I’m coming over Girl: we should stop using walkie talkies in bed over
A recent study found out how much sleep a normal teenager needs.
Just five more minutes.
Halloween dad joke
why don't skeletons go trick or treating? Because they have nobody to go with haha
Jeff, a semicolon, and an Oxford comma walk into a bar.
They both have a great time.
After my wife died, I couldn’t even look at another woman for 10 years.
But now that I'm out of prison, I can honestly say it was worth it.
“Can someone give an example of things that are useless?” The teacher asked.
Me: raises hand Teacher: Very good. Any other examples?
The creator of the USB drive died yesterday.
He was lowered into the coffin, flipped over, and then lowered again.
Please laugh
What's a thousand times better than Instagram? Instakilogram
Whats the difference between an envelope and a window?
Nobody looks at you funny when you lick an envelope
Never date a tennis player.
Love means nothing to them.
Once i told a hammer joke
I nailed it.
“I love you loads, honey pie.” My wife said earlier.
“And I love you tons.” I replied. “What, no nickname for me?” She asked, disappointed. Sometimes I swear the fat cow’s going deaf.
When your trying to discuss school with your dad.
I'm 19 years old and I major in Biology at SDSU. I was talking to my dad at Easter about an essay I'm writing. It is on the extracellular matrix, basically everything in the space between two or more cells, I thought it was going all right until he started laughing at literally nothing. Me: "Whats so funny?" Him: "I have a joke okay?" Me: "Okay?" Him: "What do prisoners study?" Me: "What?" Him: "Cell Walls." Basically thats my life.
A dung beetle walks into a bar…
Is this stool taken?
Don’t spell part backwards
It’s a trap
A nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her front pocket and thinks:
Some asshole has my pen
Why does Reddit have 2 d’s?
The second one is a repost….
![Hi Welcome to Cher (Chili’s) Vine [20 views]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/no_image_card-63-400x247.png)
What do you call an emo accapello group?
Self Harmony
My father in law did well tonight.
NSFW At a restaurant tonight FIL: What do you call nuts on a wall? Everyone:…. FIL:Walnuts! Everyone:groan…. FIL:What do you call nuts in a chest? Everyone:… FIL:CHESTNUTS!! Everyone:… FIL:What do you call nuts on a chin?? Everyone:… FIL:A blowjob!! Everyone:Oh god no…. I'm so proud of him.
I spent 10 minutes trying to remember what the opposite of “night” was..
In the end I had to call it a day..
A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
My girlfriend sat on my keyboard…
I told her, " You must be sitting on the F5 key, because that butt is refreshing." … She said, "No it's Alt +F4". I just got shut down.
If we make it past 2020, I’ll be dreading 2022.
After all, 2022 is 2020, too!
I keep asking what does LGBT mean
I can’t even get a straight answer
A gay couple is traveling on a plane. Let’s call them Steve and Bill.
"What if we had sex?" asks Steve. "Are you crazy? Here, on the plane? It would be awkward, everyone would watch us doing it…" "Nobody is even paying attention to anything. Look!" Steve stands up and asks loudly: "Could I have a pencil, please?" Nobody gives a damn. Everyone is sleeping, reading, looking out the window, etc. "They really wouldn't care then, would they?" says Bill. So Steve and Bill have wild sex on the plane. Later, when the plane arrives to the airport and the people are leaving, the stewardess sees an old man who threw up all over his shirt, even his pants are soaking in the filth. "Sir, you should've asked for a bag!" "I didn't dare" whispers the old man. "A few rows ahead I saw a man asking for a pencil and he got fucked in the ass…"
Click here to get rickrolled
You probably expected a rickroll, but NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION
Is slaying cheeks worth the risk in the pandemic
https://youtu.be/J3bVYE2B-2s
I burned 2,000 calories yesterday.
Left the brownies in the oven too long.
