Because they can't see shit.
Guy: I’m coming over Girl: we should stop using walkie talkies in bed over
Just five more minutes.
why don't skeletons go trick or treating? Because they have nobody to go with haha
They both have a great time.
But now that I'm out of prison, I can honestly say it was worth it.
Me: raises hand Teacher: Very good. Any other examples?
He was lowered into the coffin, flipped over, and then lowered again.
What's a thousand times better than Instagram? Instakilogram
Nobody looks at you funny when you lick an envelope
Love means nothing to them.
I nailed it.
“And I love you tons.” I replied. “What, no nickname for me?” She asked, disappointed. Sometimes I swear the fat cow’s going deaf.
I'm 19 years old and I major in Biology at SDSU. I was talking to my dad at Easter about an essay I'm writing. It is on the extracellular matrix, basically everything in the space between two or more cells, I thought it was going all right until he started laughing at literally nothing. Me: "Whats so funny?" Him: "I have a joke okay?" Me: "Okay?" Him: "What do prisoners study?" Me: "What?" Him: "Cell Walls." Basically thats my life.
Is this stool taken?
It’s a trap
Some asshole has my pen
The second one is a repost….
NSFW At a restaurant tonight FIL: What do you call nuts on a wall? Everyone:…. FIL:Walnuts! Everyone:groan…. FIL:What do you call nuts in a chest? Everyone:… FIL:CHESTNUTS!! Everyone:… FIL:What do you call nuts on a chin?? Everyone:… FIL:A blowjob!! Everyone:Oh god no…. I'm so proud of him.
In the end I had to call it a day..
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
I told her, " You must be sitting on the F5 key, because that butt is refreshing." … She said, "No it's Alt +F4". I just got shut down.
After all, 2022 is 2020, too!
I can’t even get a straight answer
"What if we had sex?" asks Steve. "Are you crazy? Here, on the plane? It would be awkward, everyone would watch us doing it…" "Nobody is even paying attention to anything. Look!" Steve stands up and asks loudly: "Could I have a pencil, please?" Nobody gives a damn. Everyone is sleeping, reading, looking out the window, etc. "They really wouldn't care then, would they?" says Bill. So Steve and Bill have wild sex on the plane. Later, when the plane arrives to the airport and the people are leaving, the stewardess sees an old man who threw up all over his shirt, even his pants are soaking in the filth. "Sir, you should've asked for a bag!" "I didn't dare" whispers the old man. "A few rows ahead I saw a man asking for a pencil and he got fucked in the ass…"
You probably expected a rickroll, but NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION
Left the brownies in the oven too long.