I think she’s in love with me.
An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel. A realist sees a freight train. The train driver sees 3 fucking idiots standing on the train tracks.
In self-defense the man says, “Who told you that drinking is bad?” Nun : "Mother Superior told me." Man : "So, have you ever tried it?" Nun : "No, I haven’t ever taken a drink of hard liquor." Man : "Well, don’t criticize me if you haven’t tried it. I’ll tell you what if you try it and don’t like it, I’ll give up drinking for life." Nun : "Okay but bring it in a tea cup. I don’t want people thinking I’m drinking." The man goes up to the bartender and says, “Bring me a couple of shots of vodka but bring one of them in a tea cup.” The bartender looked at the man and said, “Is that nun in here again?”
Iron Man. https://imgur.com/a/3eNDlNZ
Next to a Windu.
I don't know what he laced them with but I've been trippin all day.
…of my ribbon-repair business yesterday…
My wife was upset with me last night for kicking ice cubes under the appliances instead of picking them up…
…but this morning it’s just water under the fridge
He is fine. He woke up
And her T-shirt said – Watch out, I'm a maneater! I went up to her and said "Excuse me love, about your T-shirt slogan." She stopped me and angrily said "Oh let me guess, you want to know how many men I've eaten?! Well I can't help my size you know!" I said "Actually no, I wasn't going to say that at all." She looked happier and smiled as she said "Oh yes, what did you want to say then?." "That's not how you spell Manatee."
He pasta way.
I said, “I don’t notice a vas deferens.”
As soon as I got him inside, he made a bolt for the door.
Such a nice jester.
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
One windmill says to the other, "What type of music do you like?" The other windmill replies, "Well I'm a big metal fan"
Looks like Americans are finally gonna get a taste of democracy and freedom.
Because you need to have friends to be on facebook.
Me: “ok, this isn’t working out.”
Because of all the coffin.
You sheet metal
I don't see the use of water with holes
The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
It's gonna take me a while to get hard; I got laid earlier today
You should have seen her face when I drove pasta
50¢ ft. Nickelback.
She’s currently in the I.C.U
Teacher: Well yes , but actually no