Journalist on the war in Afghanistan
Did you know SCUBA is an acronym for Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus? Did you know “tuba” is also an acronym?
Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus
It was a game changer.
Because you can’t C in the dark
I have some breaking news for her.
A man and his date were parked on a back road at night, far away from prying eyes when his date stopped him from going any further.
"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex." The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl. "Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25."
When they find out I'm a really bad electrician.
Police are now looking for a man and say there's a price on his head
The irresistible urge to crack open a cold one.
No wait, she's back. She just went to get coffee.
Because she couldn't ketchup
"First I had angina pectoris, and then arteriosclerosis. As I was recovering, I got psoriasis. Hypodermics was followed by tonsillitis, and lastly they gave me appendectomy." "Wow!" said his friends."How did you survive?" "I don't know" said the boy. "Toughest spelling test I've ever had"
She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns. I look at therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one!"
IKEA has been accused of evading over $500 million in taxes. Apparently, prosecutors have been after them for years…
…but they're having a really hard time putting their case together…
He will be rolling in his grave.
Police Let It Go With A Warning
Because I haven’t see him in 15 years.
Cause he didn't want to be spotted!
Their careers were in ruins.
He still can't say "please" though, which I think is poor for four.
They swept the finals
Said no one, ever
You can say… I solved the case.
But it was his dumb asphalt
North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they’re brainwashed by the government and the media.
When every American knows that America is the best country in the world.
asked a son to his father. "It means 'happy,'" replied the father. "Oh," contested the son, "so are you gay, then?" "No, son, I have a wife."
Edit: Wow! I didn't know this would blow up!
I’ll be a sugar daddy.
I told them, “I have my raisins.”