Juggling seems fun
But I just don’t have the balls to do it
![Chaplin + Chopin (sound on) [OC]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/no_image_card-170-400x247.png)
Why is it called Almond milk?
Because no one would buy it if it was called nut juice.
My older brother always tore the last pages of my comic books, and never told me why.
I had to draw my own conclusions.
I’m a 40-year old with the body of a 20-year old.
Just need to find a place to bury her.
Sweet dreams are made of cheese.
Who am I to diss a brie?
What do chemists do with the dead?
They Barium
How does a Jewish man make coffee?
Hebrews it.
The opposite of Microsoft Office is…
Macrohard Onfire.
The girlfriend and I just drove by a shoe in the road
GF: A shoe! Me: Bless you Was pretty proud of myself for a couple minutes.
A kid asks his mom “Mom? What is dark Humor?”
She responds: “see that man over there with no arms? Tell him to clap.” The kid replies: “but mom, I’m blind!” Mom: “Exactly.”
The soviet union was doomed to fail
The red flags were everywhere.
What’s a Javelina’s favorite body of water?
The Bay of Pigs.
My 10 month old son is learning to wave.
At dinner I asked him where the light was so he pointed at it. I told him to wave hello to the light and luckily he did. I then looked my wife dead in the eye and told her that was the hi-light of his day.
My wife uses a whole bottle of dishwasher every time she washes the dishes at night.
Another day, another Dawn.
Apparently as a 4-year old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Inn by a local priest.
Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.
They should stock ATM’s better.
I went to 4 different ones and they all said insufficient funds!
Dog 1: “I’m sad, tell me a joke.” Dog 2:”OK, knock, kn…”
They both run to the door barking wildly.
18 year old: Dad I turn 18 today!
Dad: great, I'm taking you the strip club tonight. 18 year old: No, I already said I didn't want that. Dad: Nicole, someone needs to work in this house.
Atheism and Religion are two sides of the same coin.
One relies on heads while the other is just based on tales.
I’d tell you a joke about unemployed people…
But none of them work.
I’ve compiled my bucket list.
I've compiled my bucket list. 4 drumsticks, 4 thighs, original recipe, 2 individual mashed potatoes with gravy, and 2 biscuits.
My wife made gluten free, carb free, salt free spaghetti last night
It was not real food, it was an impasta.
Why is Yoda such a good Gardner?
Because he has green thumbs
A one-man police department was disbanded. The chief left the town meeting in his underwear
https://ift.tt/2SJYMM4
The first time I saw foot porn, I didn’t like it
So after a while I decided to give it another try, and it wasn’t half bad. I guess I got off on the wrong foot
Before you get angry at someone, walk a mile in his shoes,
That way you will be a mile away and have his shoes.
When I was a child I had many imaginary friends.
They were real people… I just imagined they were my friends.
I edited my pig’s genes to make it taste better
you might even say the bacon is CRISPR
What’s Irish and stays outside all year long?
Patty O'Furniture.
I starting wearing depressing outfits
It saves time on laundry, since a lot of the time they hang themselves.
What’s the difference between your Wife and your Job?
Well, after 10 years your Job still sucks.
..ever since an attempted mugging last year i have carried a knife.
Since then my muggings have been way more successful.
