Just a repost with a caption
What do you say to your sister when she’s crying
Are you having a crisis?
“Hey honey, I’m pregnant.”
"Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad!" "No you're not."
What do drugs have in common with cheese jokes?
I don't know, I just like meth and feta memes.
I was having a bad day so I bought a bottle of vodka,gin and whisky and put them in an elevator and sent them to the top floor. Didn’t have a good reason,
Just needed something to lift my spirits
There’s no way it’s looking at degen forums. Probably cringey wholesome ones. Time to invade
There’s no way it’s looking at degen forums. Probably cringey wholesome ones. Time to invade
The creator of the throat lozenge has died.
There will be no coffin at his funeral.
My friend is obsessed with taking selfies in the shower, but they always turn out blurry
He has selfie steam problems.
Stolen, but proves that Boomers have become self aware, their humour knows no bounds…
https://ift.tt/3e90SO3
A year ago when I joined Reddit I threw a boomerang to celebrate
I now live in constant fear
I don’t know why they haven’t put any advertisements on the hulk
He is essentially a giant banner
I don’t trust stairs
They are always up to something.
My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo.
So I had to put my foot down.
Today was a terrible day. First my ex got hit by a bus.
Then I lost my job as a driver.
Bro is hallucinating
Bro is hallucinating
Did you hear about the guy who ate bananas whole?
He didn’t peel too well
Did you know there was a Knight who always refused to fight in battle?
His name was Sir Render.
What did the llama say when he was getting evicted?
“I guess alpaca my bags.”
My girlfriend broke up with me because I was cheating on her.
She told all her friends I had a small dick. Luckily they all knew she was lying.
I’ve often heard that “icy” is the easiest word to spell
Looking at it now, I see why
all countries will get the corona virus eventually…
China just got it right off the bat
What’s the difference between a dad and a grill?
A grill runs out of gas
I dumped my girlfriend after she falsely claimed Netflix was the cheapest streaming service.
I refuse to associate with a Hulu-cost denier.
A man is lost in the woods and it is getting dark.
As he walks through the woods he comes across a small cabin. He goes up to the cabin and knocks on the door. An old Chinese man opens it. “I’m lost in the woods and I need somewhere to stay for the night,” the man said. “Can I please stay here?” “Sure,” said the Chinese man. “But as long as you don’t lay a finger on my daughter. If you do, I’ll give you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man. The man agreed to the Chinese man’s conditions. However when it was time for dinner the daughter came downstairs and he saw how beautiful she was. “This old Chinese guy will never find out,” the man thought to himself. So that night the man went to the Chinese man’s daughter’s room and they had mad passionate sex. The next day the man woke up and there was a huge rock on his chest. There was a sign on it that said “Chinese torture number 1: Rock on chest.” The man laughed and though to himself “Is this really the worst Chinese torture?” He then threw the rock out the window and started to walk towards the bedroom door and then he stopped when he saw the sign on it. It said “Chinese torture number 2: Rock tied to right testicle.” The man started to panic. He decided to jump out the window with the rock because a few broken bones is better than a castration. As he fell out the window, he saw a sign in the ground. It said “Chinese torture number 3: left testicle tied to bedpost.”
I’m not sure if my ceiling is the best i’ve ever had
but it's certainly up there.
My wife called me on the phone, breathless, and said, “Where are you?” I said, “I’m at the pub.”
She said, “I think the baby is coming” Me: I don’t think he can get in. He will be underage.
It seems I may have made a mistake here…
It seems I may have made a mistake here…
My sister walked in and caught me masturbating. She called me a sick pervert.
I walked in and caught her masturbating. She called me a sick pervert. There's no justice in this world.
Knock knock…
Who’s there? Dwayne. Dwayne who? Dwayne the bathtub, I’m dwowning.
if you’re going to do this, just market it as an off-hour discount like everyone else
if you’re going to do this, just market it as an off-hour discount like everyone else
I just poked myself in the eye.
I can’t see myself doing that again any time soon.
Where do sasquatches live?
Sasquatchewan!
Hear the one about those corduroy pillows?
Been leaving headlines everywhere