Just everything about this
I told him that I had Clausible deniability.
It’s an extremely rare dish order.
And his dad replies, "Pussy!" The son tells him, "I don't get it…" And his dad says, "I know you don't."
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
Is it a noble gas?
The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity.
You shouldn’t take medicine on an empty stomach.
But nobody will give me a straight answer.
It's very refreshing.
Worst french fries I've ever had.
i'm already on stage 4
I'm not sure, but the flag is a big plus.
It’s a non-prophet organization
The bartender notices him, and decides to ask about his injuries. "So…" he starts off, "How'd you get that peg leg?" "A shark bit off me leg." "And the hook?" "An enemy pirate cut off me hand." The bartender gasps, fascinated by the pirate's stories. "What about the eyepatch?" "A seagull pooped in me eye." "A seagull caused that? How?" The bartender questioned. "Well, 'twas me first day with the hook…"
They said if I didn’t pay it back on time I’d get repossessed.
For the wedding, my whole family and friends flew over to her home town of Moscow. It was a beautiful ceremony, however I did find some things strange. For instance, the priest never said, "You may now kiss the bride", but I just assumed it was purely an American thing and didn't mind. Later during the reception, we were both starving and decided to head over to the buffet to get food. On the way we passed the drink table, where about six people were waiting to get a fruity drink from a bowl. As we passed, they all said in unison, "You may now kiss the bride!" My wife got giddy and gave me a big kiss, which I of course returned. As we walked away I asked, "Why did they tell us to kiss and not the priest?" My wife answered, "In Soviet Russia, the punchline tells you!"
Some people took the stairs to their rooms, and some took the elevator. Right then I realized everyone was raised differently
A baked potato.
He wanted to keep things brief.
Turns out I’m 100% dyslexic.
A man in a bar starts talking to a prostitute… He says “how much for a hand job?” She says it’s $250. He says, “ $250 for a lousy hand job? That’s crazy!“ She says, “Honey, follow me “and takes him outside. “See that Ferrari? I bought that Ferrari just with money from hand jobs. I give the best in the world.” So he figures he’ll try it, and what do you know, it’s great. It’s a week before he’s horny again. So he goes back to the same bar and asked her about a blowjob. She says it’s $500. He thinks that’s too much. She says, “Honey, come out back. See that mansion up on the hill? I bought that mansion with just money from blowjobs. I give the best blow jobs.” So he takes her up on it and it’s amazing. He’s absolutely drained for a month. Now he’s obsessed and he has to go back. He finds her in the bar. Desperately, he says “I gotta know, how much for the pussy?” “Oh honey,” she says, “If I had one of those I’d own this town.”
Runs until Friday.
I will stop at nothing to avoid them
I just gave my too weak notice!
Before the crowbar was invented, most crows drank at home.
Honestly, he couldn't give a fuck.
Apparently it's ill eagle.
They never seem to leave
Restaurant In Peace
they just finished a 31 day March.