Just in case you needed a reminder
He said he could never part with it.
No guy has ever gotten kicked in the nuts, and then a couple years later says, “You know, I’d like another one.”
Just a lintel bit of the time
If a mass of beef fat is ‘tallow’, and mass of pig fat is ‘lard’, what is a mass of human fat called?
'American'. Just kidding, it's actually called 'Yo Momma'.
That's how I contracted it.
As a muffler specialist, I replied, "I'm the one that's really exhausted."
She said “Yes…. all the other guys were nines or tens”
The tattooed guy brags: "I have the best job, I'm a musician. Each day I have sex at least twice!" The hot blonde responds: "Well, I'm a prostitute. It's literally my job. I have one customer per hour!" Finally the pale looking guy joins in: "Still, none of you gets as much sex during your jobs as I do." After a short, irritated silence the blonde finally dares to ask: "So, what do you do?" "I'm a mortician."
Two. One to change the bulb, the other to hold the penis. LADDER. I MEANT TO SAY “LADDER.”
Then take the spoon out of the cup dickhead
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They're under a buck.
Which is also known as avocado’s number
Woman: What’s this? Man: It’s a lime. Woman: Would you mind moving it somewhere else? The man says, “No problem.” But then seems to have real difficulty in lifting it from the table. Woman: Is everything ok? Man: It seems like I’m terrible at pick up limes.
But, I just didn't have the patients…
Wife calls her mother in-law and asks her “If your baby puked and pooped, who should it clean it up?” Mother in-law yells “the mother!”
Wife – "Then come clean up your drunk son!"
If it isn’t autocorrect… EDIT: In case you haven’t noticed, this is a repost. I’m not trying to cover it up, I don’t care. Just wanted to put it out there so the constant spam of comments calling me out on it can let up for a bit.
It’s not my full-time job, I’m just doing it to make hens meet…
It was hard to differentiate between them.
I said, “Just because you’re unwilling to try new things, doesn’t mean everyone’s that frigid.” “Not that,” she explained, “It’s just the plumbers that come to our house have tiny cocks.”
… will be to wait for him to go to school and get gunned down.
It was wong on so many levels
My wife prefers to call it intercourse
Always walkin around like they rent the place.
Please don't. She's out of town on a business trip until Monday.