Just in time for exam season…
It’s now 12:15 and my arm is killing me
My construction company failed after a competitor started a viscous rumor that I build houses without a foundation
It was a baseless accusation
He’s too self absorbed.
But “Shatner Panties” was not a good business.
Because he always stays in the Lois Lane Kill me pls
Tylenol is acetaminophen, Advil is ibuprofen, and so on. The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra, and announced today that they have settled on Mycoxafloppin.
Because she wanted to speak to the Task Manager!
I said, "I'm not too fussy as long as it doesn't have ghosts in."
You’re still using fowl language.
A boy in Brooklyn is outside of a candy shop shoveling candy in his mouth. A man approaches the boy and says, “Don’t eat candy, kid. It’s not good for you.”
The boy replied, "My grandfather lived until he was 97." "Really," said the man. "Did he eat a lot of candy, too?" The boy replied, "No, but he minded his own fucking business."
But so far I've made three jugs and a vase and they're lovely.
Oh wait, my bad. That wasn’t my waiter.
The plot thickens.
We're not kidding.
He Dwaynes his Johnson
A new study has found that white envelopes tend to be delivered faster than envelopes of any other colour
I guess you could say that there's… white mail privilege
Guess the two of us aren't going to work out.
I believe that it is time for all the world’s countries to come together and create one universal currency
I mean it's just common cents
Which is ironic, because we were both waiting for the bus.
They're so picky!
She seemed surprised
The secret service isn’t allowed to yell “Get down!” anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell, “Donald, duck!”
The Government in Egypt has asked the city’s taxi drivers to drive around Cairo sounding their car horns…
It is hoped that the familiar sounds of the city will induce a return to tranquillity and normality following the recent pandemic. Operation Toot 'n Calm 'Em will last for the rest of the week.
Because downvotes are very offensive.
I hate it when engineering students refer to themselves as engineers, I mean you don’t see medical students calling themselves doctors…
Or art students calling themselves unemployed.
Their words, not mine.
No text found
He won the no-bell prize