Just thought of this
None. They’ll just shoot the room for being black
A four-chin teller
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
and lowers it
A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in. One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left. As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't much of a man, is he?" "He's not much of a driver, either," the waitress replied. "He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles."
The cops are having a hard time putting the pieces together.
but then I lost it.
It was a murder most fowl.
But I’m 22 to say it 🙁
My son was playing with his teenage mutant ninja turtle action figures, and was making them fight each other. Me: "Where are their weapons? Are they just fighting with their bare hands?" Son: "No, they are fighting with their turtle hands." Doesn't have a clue why I was laughing so hard.
And conversely, you should never scissor with the runs.
The correct term is turd-world countries.
Needless to say, I’m not a big fan.
She told me she doesn't want to bother me while I'm at work.
A cowboy is captured by indians. The chief tells the cowboy they’ll grant 3 requests before they scalp him.
The cowboy thinks a minute then says, " I wish to say goodbye to my horse then to set him free." So they bring him his horse, he whispers in its ear then sets him off into the sunset. He tells the chief he needs to mull over the third request and the chief agrees to wait until sunset. As the sun dips in the sky, here comes the horse back, with a beautiful brunette in the saddle. "Is this your last request?" the chief asks. "Uh, no," says the cowboy. "My last request is to say goodbye to my horse once more." "Ok…" says the chief. The cowboy leans into his horses ear and hisses, "You idiot! I said 'Posse! Posse!"
I won't lie, it was a Rocky Road.
Because it is cheaper
He was consumed by his own pride
Remains to be seen
My coworker Jim sits next to another coworker, Collin. One day, Jim replaced the nametag on his cubicle to also say Collin
I asked him, "Jim, your name isn't Collin. What's going on?" He replied, "We're trying to Collin-ize the area." (True story)
No text found
A United States Marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him. To add injury to the insult, she said she wanted back the picture of herself that she had given him. So the Marine did what any squared-away Marine would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find. In all, he got more than 25 pictures of various women (some with clothes and some without). He then mailed them to his now-former girlfriend with the following note: "I don't remember which one you are. Please remove your picture and send the rest back."
She told em to pipe down.
A guy comes up to him in the bar one day and says, "Are you the guy who charges $10,000 a bullet?" "Yup." "What if you miss?" He looks at the man, deadly serious. "I don't miss…" "Okay, well I've got $20,000. I just found out my wife is having an affair with my best friend. They're at the motel together right now." "Let's go," the assassin says. So they drive to a store across the street from the motel and climb up on the roof. The assassin takes out his rifle and attaches the scope. "They're in room 21. I want you to shoot her in the head, and I want you to blow his dick off." The assassin looks through his scope. He keeps staring for several minutes, not taking the shot. "Well? What are you waiting for!?" the husband asks. "Hold on a minute," said the assassin, "I may be able to save you 10 grand."
A dart board on a ceiling.
Unfortunately it was at a casino in England
The taste. Kindly stolen from my friend who is an ER doc.
Sorry, bad punctuation. I'm giving up. Masturbating for an entire month.
I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.
The king and queen of clubs.