Kids are rude and phones are bad…LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!
But nobody will give me a straight answer.
Mark the post with an NSFW tag
So I packed my stuff and right.
A photon checks into a hotel. – Do you need help with your luggage, sir? – No, i'm travelling light.
You can only ran through a campground, because it's past tents.
Lovely man, lousy cabinet maker though.
Makes me say things I didn’t Nintendo.
During the funeral, his mother walks towards the director and says, "Jesus died for your scenes."
what does smoking Marijuana do?
Because every play has a cast.
Once there were four business men. They were sitting on a bench in a hospital waiting room because their wives were having babies.
A nurse comes over and says to the first businessman, "Congratulations! Your wife had a baby." The man says, "What a coincidence! I'm the president of And1!" The nurse goes away. Then the nurse comes back and says to the second businessman, "Congratulations! Your wife had twins!" The man says, "What a coincidence! I'm the owner of the Minnesota Twins!" The nurse goes away. The nurse comes back and says to the third businessman, "Congratulations! Your wife had triplets!" The man says, "What a coincidence! I work for Triple Crown!" The nurse goes away. The nurse comes back and sees the fourth businessman alone on the bench crying. She asks, "Why are you crying"? The man replies, "I work for Seven Up."
A kid comes home from school and says to his mom, "Mom I've got a problem." She says, "Tell me." He tells her that the boys at school are using two words he doesn't understand. She asks him what they are? He says, "Well, pussy and bitch." She says, "Oh that's no big deal, pussy is a cat like our little Mittens, and bitch is a female dog like our Sandy." He thanks her and goes to visit dad in the workshop in the basement. He says to his dad, "Dad the boys at school are using words I don't know and I asked mom and I don't think she told me the exact meaning." Dad says, "Son, I told you never to go to mom with these matters, she can't handle them. What are the words?" He tells him, "Pussy and bitch." Dad says, "OK," and pulls a Playboy down from the shelf, takes a marker and circles the pubic area of the centerfold and says, "Son, everything inside this circle is pussy." "OK, dad, so what's a bitch?" "Son," he says, "everything outside that circle.
They each got six months.
Then say : now you are super angry! She might laugh.. you might die.
I couldn't put my finger on it….
It’s true, I saw it with my own eyes.
He looked at me with tears in his eyes and said "You know, one would have been enough."
Fuck off, you won't bring it back
When little Timmy went to school and mastered one to nine, he thought the other kids were cool and every class Devine. He painted shapes red and blue and he drew in curves and bends. And when the day was over he made 100 friends! I’m Pals with Pete Mike and Max he told his pa with pride, but Timmy’s folks were anti-vaxx and then he fucking died.
I was sad until she told me "Don't worry I'm just kidding, nothing could be father from the truth."
Not having potatoes.
The sign said "No food or drinks inside" So I went home.
Pun in, ten dead.
Sorry if this wasn't very funny to read out on Reddit. Most of my jokes are all in the delivery.
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The look on his face was priceless.
"Shooting isn't your cup of tea," he continued, "You better switch to archery."
That's not funny.
A man walks into a hardware store and speaks to the cashier. "Have you any two watt bulbs?" "For what?" "That'll do, I'll take two." "Two what?" "I thought you didn't have any?" "Any what?" "Yes please!"
She asked me what i knew about dwarfs…….I said "very little."
No son. I got shot in the leggy
I told her that I find big tits on babies disturbing.
Pretty soon they'd all find me attractive
American: Have you seen the Titanic? Canadian: What's that about? American: Yes it was. A huge one that sank.
My neighbour's "No Tespassin" sign.