Kinda sad tbh
Luckily I was the one facing the TV.
A milk truck
Looking at it now, I see why.
How do you tell a good joke about time travel?
Runs until Friday.
He's a Boxer…
Ba dum tss
She got sick of me.
The ceremony wasn’t much but the reception was incredible!
As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon, and set it on the table. The diner was impressed. "Do all the waiters here carry spoons in their pockets?" The waiter replied, "Yes. Ever since an efficiency expert visited our restaurant. He determined that 17.8% of our diners knock the spoon off the table. By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen." The diner ate his meal. As he was paying the waiter, he commented, "Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you have a string hanging from your fly?" The waiter replied, "Yes, we all do. Seems that the same efficiency expert determined that we spend too much time washing our hands after using the men's room. So, the other end of that string is tied to my penis. When I need to go, I simply pull the string, do my thing, and then return to work. Having never touched myself, there really is no need to wash my hands. Saves a lot of time." "Wait a minute," said the diner, "How do you get your penis back in your pants?" "Well, I don't know about the other guys, but I use the spoon."
Me; "What are you wearing??" Dad; "its my crop top"
The results speak for themselves.
They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.
It's much easier to fall when I'm awake.
But so far I've made 3 jugs and a vase and they're lovely.
Its days are numbered.
One windmill says to the other, "What type of music do you like?" The other windmill replies, "Well I'm a big metal fan"
I always knew he liked them young, but this is fucking ridiculous.
One of them decides to start a conversation. “So what did you guys do to end up here? I came to the factory late and they accused me of slowing down the revolution.” The second man says: “I arrived at the factory to early and they accused me of trying to rush the revolution.” The third man says: “I arrived at the factory right on time and they accused me of having a western watch.”
Turns out it was just saturday night fever (Taking advantage of a very narrow humour window!)
For some reason, the doc kicked us out when we told him our son was due in in 3 months.
It's a pane in the ass
Bartender: "Why do you have a steering wheel in your pants?" Pirate: "Arrrr, it's driving me nuts!"
Comes great response ability.
you clearly don't understand the gravity of the situation
But then I decided, “Eh, I’ll just do it.”
I don’t know how you sleep at night