…does that mean there's a wifetime guarantee?
A gummy bear
He sits down and orders 10 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks “Rough day?” The guy responds “I just found out my brother is gay and is dating my best friend.” The next day the guy goes back to the bar and orders 20 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks “what happened this time?” The guy responds “I just found out my son is also gay” The next day the guy goes in and orders 30 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks “Does anyone in your family like women?” The guy responds “apparently my wife does”
He was good at finding solutions to inequalities.
Gay. Definitely at least a little gay.
"Doris" "Doris who?" "Doris locked, that's why im knocking."
The boy says, "Me ma is dead." "Oh bejaysus," the man replies. "Do you want me to call Father O'Riley for you?" The boys says, "No tanks mister. Sex is the last thing on my mind at the moment."
If I would get to be the dad of a son, I'd name him Jason so on the moment of his birth I can get up and shout: "Jesus Christ, it's Jason, born!"
Personally, I prefer it without the period.
The doctor says, "What? Why would I do something like that?" The woman says again, "Kiss me now!" The doctor replies, "Certainly not!" The woman demands a third time, "Doctor, I want you to kiss me!" The doctor answers, "No! It's unprofessional, highly unethical, and to be honest we probably shouldn't even be having sex right now!"
He replied, “No sun.”
Because they got rid of the plaques. (This one popped into my head getting into the shower. Crap, it’s early.)
None, he fell off.
I'm not joking, but he is.
Because it was filled with Meatorites.
I've said it before.
Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
Jack says, "You know what, I bet he will." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!" Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, "Fair's fair… Here's your money." Jack replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump." The blonde replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again." Jack took the money.
And at the end of each weekend, there is a Brother that goes around to all the casinos to cash them out and make a deposit. He's the Chip Monk.
It was a bit difficult at first but now everything's falling into place.
That way you can get a doctor to take a look at it
Dad: Gotcha, gonnabesuperpissed.