"Who is there?" "Grandma!" "Grandma wh-, HOLY SHIT STOP THE FUNERAL!"
8yo cousin: To get to the idiot's house. Me (patronizingly): Oh..uh..yeah good one haha. 8yo cousin: Wanna hear another one? Knock knock Me: Who's there 8yo: The chicken.
Magician: Looking at pear “You’re ugly!”
I don’t think I can ever repay you.
Because if it had 4 doors it’d be a chicken sedan.
They take Poland, instead.
According to Beijing, it's as calm as a June Summer's day in Tiananmen Square.
That makes me an eighth theist.
This has been my favourite joke for at least a couple years now. A man drives train in Bulgaria. One day, he falls asleep driving, and runs over someone walking on the tracks. Well, his case goes to court, and he gets the death sentence for murder. So, he's on death row and the executioner approaches him. "What would you like for your last meal?" "I would like a banana please." The executioner thinks it's weird, but shrugs and gives him a banana. The guy eats his banana, waits awhile, and gets strapped into the electric chair. When the flip the switch, nothing happens! In Bulgaria, an act of divine intervention means you get released. A few months go by, and the train driver has been working for a new company. Well, old habits die hard, and he falls asleep again, killing 2 people this time. The court has no patience for recklessness, so he ends up on death row again. After awhile, the same executioner from last time approaches him. "You again? Shit. What do you want this time?" "Two bananas please." The executioner shrugs and hands him two bananas. A bit weird, but whatever. There's no way he can cheat death twice! But, when they flip the switch, nothing happens again. The train driver walks a second time. Some time passes, and the executioner is very busy. After another few months, the same dude shows up, apparently having run over 3 people with a train. Exacberated, the executioner approaches him for the third time. "Let me guess. Three bananas?" "Actually yes! How did you know?" "Top bad! This has gone on long enough. No more bananas! Today you fry." So, the train driver gets strapped into the chair with no last meal. But, when they flip the switch, nothing happens again. "I dont get it," says the executioner. "I didnt let you eat any bananas!" "Its not the bananas. I'm a bad conductor."
I did that but now I don’t know what to do with the letters
2B or not 2B
I just made a list of my top 10 favourite Dad jokes. The first 9 are great but the last one is an absolute cracker
1) great 2) great 3) great 4) great 5) great 6) great 7) great 8) great 9) great 10) An absolute cracker
I don't know where I came
From the well, actually.
Number one, and number two
I really don't know what else he wants to see.
A person who doesn't believe in dog.
Because 7 was a registered 6 offender
It was of great sedimentary value.
The bartender says "is pepsi okay?" and the man agrees. The bartender comes back with a drink and says "here's your pepsi and coke, that'll be $11.50"
Take the front page, it's over 90% recycled content!
An American doesn’t have trouble-shooting.
A pirate goes to a doctor, worried that the moles on his back might be cancerous. The doctor inspects them.
"It's ok," he says. "They're benign." The pirate replies "Check 'em again matey, I think there be at least ten!"
This means it's illegal to ejaculate in a school zone. I don't think the speed was why I was arrested though.
If you had called your search engine Bang instead of Bing, you'd have destroyed Google. What would you rather say? "I just Googled Rihanna"or "I just Banged Rihanna."
Question after question…"who's blood is it?"….."where did you get it?"….."why is it in a bucket?
…but I just have too much on my plate right now.
Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ." Kid 1: "As if." Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister." Kid 1: "I don't have a sister." Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."
Due to the economy, the cost of eating out has gone up.