Laughing way too much at this 😂😂👌👌
Unless everyone gets it
I really don't know what else he wants to see.
The Sax is too good
A perfectly triangular lake has 3 kingdoms on its 3 sides. The first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people, the second is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power. The third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army. The kingdoms eventually go to war over control of the lake, as it's a valuable resource to have. The first kingdom sends 100 of its finest knights, clad in the best armour and each with their own personal squire. The second kingdom sends 50 knights, with fine leather armour and a few dozen squires of their own. The third kingdom sends their one and only knight, an elderly warrior who has long since passed his prime, with his own personal squire. The night before the big battle, the knights in the first kingdom drink and party into the late hours of the night. The knights in the second kingdom aren't as well off, but have their own supply of grog and drink well into the night. In the third camp, the faithful squire gets a rope and swings it over the branch of a tall tree, making a noose, and hangs a pot from it. He fills the pot with stew and has a humble dinner with the old knight. The next morning, the knights in the first two kingdoms are hungover and unable to fight, while the knight in the third kingdom is old weary, unable to get up. In place of the knights, the squires from all three kingdoms go and fight. The battle lasts long into the night but by the time the dust settled, only one squire was left standing – the squire from the third kingdom. And it just goes to show you that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.
To prevent the spread of germs, people have been told to sneeze into their upper arm. Instead, people have been stockpiling toilet paper.
This upholds the long standing belief that too many people don't know their arse from their elbow.
Sorry, wrong sub
I always get really excited but after it's over I regret spending all that money.
So when they come into port, they can scan-da-navy-in
Tell a redditor a joke he will post it for a lifetime
A passing soldier notices this, walks over and rolls his pants across the car. Magically, the car unlocks. The woman is relieved but puzzled, asking him how he did it. "That's easy. These are khakis."
He said 'which ones?' I said ' Gas, electric and water'
She said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day, they are absolutely gorgeous." I said, "That's probably why they've received flowers then."
Man says "Once, in a Blue Moon."
To cover their butt quacks.
It’s annoying, but I’m a big fan.
Being homeschooled was never easy for me
Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?" "Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, collecting donations." "How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks. The man replies, "Roughly a gallon."
"thespacebuttonisbrokenonmylaptop.canyougivemeanalternative" Does anyone know what "ternative" mean?
None of them work
Because they know when to drop the base.
Which unfortunately cost her 12 points and a bonus chance
A cactus has all the little pricks on the outside.
After three weeks the Syrians meet again at McDonald's the first Syrian makes his case for him being more American by saying: "Every day I have taken my son to softball practise and my daughter to ballet. I just purchased my first car and it's Chevy El Camino. I've recently started listening to Toby Keith and Lynyrd Skynyrd and my favorite football team is the Dallas Cowboys. Beat that!" The other Syrian simply replies with: "Get out of my country you fucking towelhead"
"I can't complain" He said.
I think my mother did a commendable job in that regard.
Sure enough, right after Obama took office, swine flu.
After he just bought 12 bees, the pet owner gave him 13 bees. The man asked the pet owner why he was given an extra bee. The pet owner answered,”The last one’s a free bee.”
He said, “You have a wee cough?” I said, “Really? Thanks boss, see you next week!”
She only carries one picture because once you’ve seen Juan you’ve seen Amal.
She can't hear me otherwise.
Cause every time someone walked in I'd say "get a load of this guy"
This proves I'm independent.
To be honest even I dont know u choose
A guy walks into the bar and finds two lesbians kissing in the corner. Out of curiosity, he straightway goes to them and asks, “What is the thing you don’t like about dicks?”
"They ask stupid questions", one of them replied.
So I added some fruit and lemonade to it, and now she sangria than ever.