A chicken pie in Jamaica costs $2.00. A chicken pie in Trinidad costs $2.40. A chicken pie in St. Kitts costs $2.15.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
Someone told be that on your Cake Day, you get free Karma!
My Ma: I'm not buying you a car.
A businessman is getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knows his wife is always horny, so he decides to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didnโt much like the idea of her screwing someone else.
So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation, to the old man. โWell, I donโt really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I donโt know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except a…โ said the old man, and then he stopped. โExcept what?โ asked the businessman. โNothing, nothing,โ said the old man. โCโmon, tell me! I need something!โ protested the businessman.โWell, sir, I donโt usually mention this, but there is the โvoodoo dildo,โโ the old man said. โThe voodoo dildo?โ the businessman asked. The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said, โBig fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!โ The old man said, โBut you havenโt seen what itโll do yet.โ He pointed to a door and said โVoodoo dildo, the door.โ The voodoo dildo rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said, โVoodoo dildo, box!โ The voodoo dildo stopped, floated back to the box and lay there, motionless. The businessman said, โIโll take it!โ The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say, โVoodoo dildo, my pussy.โ He left for his trip satisfied things would be fine while he was gone. After heโd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dildo. She lay down, placed the box between her legs, and said โVoodoo dildo, my pussy!โ The voodoo dildo shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing sheโd ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided sheโd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off! So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much sheโd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadnโt been drinking, but that a voodoo dildo was stuck in her pussy, and wouldnโt stop screwing her. The officer looked at her for a second, and then said, โYeah, right. Voodoo dildo, my ass!"
Went to see The Joker last night and some guy dressed in a full clown outfit held the door open for me into the theater
I thought it was a nice jester
Just got a job as the senior director of the old McDonald farm
Iโm the CIEIO
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Theyโll just shoot the room for being black
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.
Iโll let you know.
My friend is trying to market his design for an invisible aeroplane.
I canโt see it taking off.
AFL, one of the most well-known security fuzzer, recently has got purchased by Google. I was upgrading my own code modification based on the pre-Google version AFL to the recent Google-owned newer version, then I found out they “civilized” some of the developer’s comment. Mildly interesting.
https://ift.tt/2NdkW57
If your here for pee jokes, urine luck
No text found
My wife said she is leaving on account of my sexual fetishes
I said fine! slam the door on my cock on the way out
Whatโs the difference between a screw and a bolt?
Screw is what my dad did before I was born. Bolt is what he did after I was born.
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
Looking for a b’day card in a card bin we have, came across this gem my mom had saved…
https://ift.tt/3aphdfm
A lady had lost her husband almost two years ago. Her daughter was constantly calling her to get back into the dating world. Finally, she said she’d go out, but didn’t know anyone.
Her daughter immediately replied, "Mom, I have someone for you to meet!" Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Spain. Their first night there, she undressed and so did he. There she stood naked, except for a pair of black panties, he in his birthday suit. Looking her over, he asked, "Why the black panties?" She replied "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still mourning." He knew he was not going to get lucky that night. The following night was the same, she stood there wearing the black panties and he was in his birthday suit but now he was wearing a black condom. She looked at him and asked, "What's with the black condom?" He replied, "I want to offer my deepest condolences."
An Arab family was considering putting their grandfather Abdullah in a nursing home.
All the Arab Facilities were completely full, so they had to put him in an Italian home. After a few weeks in the Italian facility, they came to visit Abdullah. "How do you like it here?" Asked the grandson. It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful," said Abdullah. "We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you since you are a "little different" from everyone." "Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents." Abdullah said with a big smile. โThere's a musician here – he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him Maestro! There is a judge in here – he's 95 year old. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him Your Honour. There's a dentist here – 90 years old. He hasn't fixed a tooth for 25 years, and everyone still calls him Doctor. And me – I haven't had sex for 35 years and they still call me the Fucking Arab.
Why is โyachtโ spelled that way instead of like โyot?โ
Because why nacht.
19 and 20 got into a fight
19 and 20 got into a fight. 21.
A girl was a prostitute, but she did not want her grandma to know.
One day the police raided a whole group of prostitutes at a sex party in a hotel and she was among them. The police took them outside and had all the prostitutes line up along the driveway. Suddenly the girl's grandma came by and saw her. "Why are you standing in line, dear?" she asked. Not willing to let her grandma know the truth, the girl told her that the policemen were passing out free oranges. โWhy, that is awfully nice of them! I think I'll get some for myself," said the grandma. A policeman went down the line, asking for information from all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, he exclaimed, "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?" Grandma replied, "Oh, it's easy, dear. I just take out my dentures and suck them dry!"
How do you make a water bed more bouncy?
You use spring water.
Wrong impressions
You know when you get the wrong impression of people? I thought this: โMan, he petty.โ But he just did my nails.
You can’t trust constipated people
They're full of shit.
I hate when people ask me where i see myself in 1 year
I donโt know I donโt have 2020 vision
I once fell in love with a girl that only knew 4 vowels
Unfortunately she didn't know I existed.
What do you call a musician in the army?
A tambarine! Thank you! Thank you very much!
Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, “How many of you have forgiven your enemies?”
80% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one man, Walter Barnes. "Mr. Barnes, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" "I don't have any," he replied gruffly. "Mr. Barnes, that is very unusual. How old are you?" "Ninety-eight," he replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands. "Oh, Mr. Barnes, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?" The old golfer tottered down the aisle, stopped in front of the pulpit, turned around, faced the congregation, and said simply, "I outlived all them assholes."
I won’t vaccinate my children
I will have the doctor do it.
My dad told me that he wished me a deep hole filled with water
I know he meant well
What sound does a tiny cow make
ยต Please ignore this text. It's only here to add more words because a single letter joke gets removed by the mods, who don't subscribe to the belief that brevity is the soul of wit. Thank you for not reading this message.