Let me tell you how I became a millionaire:
First, I bought one apple for a dollar with my savings.
Then I went out on the street and sold it there for two dollars.
With the two dollars I bought two apples for 1$ each and again sold them for 2 dollars each.
Now I had 4 dollars and was able to buy 4 apples, which, you may have guessed, I sold for 2 dollars each.
Now I had 8 dollars and I bought 8 apples and so on and so on…
A few days later my aunt died and I inherited her assets.
"I can arrange some things for you," the devil says. "I'll get you billions of dollars, unlimited political influence, and anything else you can dream of. All I ask for in return is death, disease and poverty for millions of people around the world." The politician thinks for a moment and says, “What's the catch?"
It was the least I could do for him.
His daughter says: "Dad, I'm sorry." He replies: "Hi Sorry, I'm Dad." He then turns to the boy and asks: "What about you? Are you fucking sorry?"
I was fired immediately
My son wanted some girl advice, so I told him, “If you are intimidated by a date, remember one thing.”
They are just big raisins.
Imagine the releaf they feel in spring.
It will be the last thing I do.
I learned next to nothing.
The flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board, so she reports it to the Captain immediately.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! There is a very pretty, hot and sexy, female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened and the man she is with is a fat old slob who looks like a lecher, very sullen, mean and dangerous!" The captain responds, "Patricia, I've told you this before. This is Air Force One…"
Instead, they got: French Industry, American culture, and British cuisine
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets the credit.
I can still drink from the bottle
Those are the pie rates of the Caribbean
Guess that makes him postponed Malone
Because it felt butter in the morning.
The horse, incapable of understanding human language, promptly shits on the floor and leaves
A manager announces to his staff, “I’ve lost a wallet with 500 dollars, if you find it, I’m offering a 100 dollars finder’s fee!”
A voice in the background says, “I’m offering 200!”
I have a complex complex complex.
No one knows how they pulled it off.
I said no but I do I a pretty good bohemian rhapsody.
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1, 2, 3, 95, 98, NT, 2000, ME, XP, Vista, 7, 8,10.
With a pumpkin patch!
“Well, son, I could explain it. But it would be better if I showed you.” “Ok, dad. How will you do that?” “Go up to your mom and ask her if she would have sex with her boss for $500,000.” So the son asks his mom, and she responds back with “fuck yeah I would!” The son then runs to his dad and says “Dad! Dad! She said ‘fuck yeah I would!’” “Ok. Now go ask your sister if she would have sex with her principal for $500,000.” So the son asks his sister, and she responds with “Fuck yeah I would!” The son then runs to his dad and says “Dad! Dad! She said ‘fuck yeah I would!’” “Ok son. Now the hypothetical situation is that we are now millionaires. But the reality is that we live with a couple of whores.”
He just knew it would be groundbreaking.
He didn't listen though.
The second time let me down.
I told her it's about time.
I have no words for how angry I am.
He was clearly out of the loop.