## Tim asked his bitcoin investing brother

For $10 worth of bitcoin B: $9.34? Why do you need $10.35 of bitcoin? T: I just want to start investing for college? B: Ok, I just sent you $24.39 of bitcoin for you. T: Thanks! Why did you give me more than I asked you for? B: I gave you $15.43, just like you asked. T: Okay, hopefully my $13.86 price will go up. B: No problem, Timmy. $4.31 isn't that much for me.

## I am on day 9 of quarantine and was wondering if anyone had any porn sites they’d like to recommend other than:

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r/nsfwfashion r/leotards Bikinis r/bikinis r/bikinibridge Costumes r/nsfwcosplay r/nsfwcostumes r/girlsinschooluniforms Dresses r/WtSSTaDaMiT r/tightdresses r/upskirt Stockings/Socks r/stockings r/thighhighs r/leggingsgonewild Pants/Shorts r/Bottomless_Vixens r/tightshorts Yoga pants r/girlsinyogapants r/yogapants Underwear r/lingerie r/garterbelts Thongs r/assinthong r/AssholeBehindThong Professional/Sites r/suicidegirls Public r/ChangingRooms r/workgonewild r/trashyboners r/FlashingGirls r/publicflashing r/sexinfrontofothers r/NotSafeForNature r/gwpublic r/realpublicnudity r/socialmediasluts r/flashingandflaunting Trans r/Tgirls r/traps r/futanari r/gonewildtrans r/tgifs Gay: r/gaysex r/topsandbottoms r/lgbtsex r/gaykink r/gayBDSMcommunity r/gaygonewild r/gaybrosgonewild r/gaymersgonewild r/gayselfies r/gaybears r/LGBTgonewild r/bigonewild r/gayNSFW r/gayerotica Bondage r/forcedorgasms r/damselsindistress r/cuffed r/gagged r/abuseporn r/femaleorgasmdenial r/girlscontrolled Video r/pornvids r/nsfw_videos Meet People r/dirtysnapchat Other NSFW r/randomactsofblowjob r/NSFWFunny r/pornhubcomments r/confusedboners r/dirtykikpals r/nsfw_wtf r/randomactsofmuffdive r/stupidslutsclub r/sluttyconfessions r/sextrophies Armpits cause people like that r/armpits r/celebrityarmpits r/armpitfetish I don’t even know where the fuck this would go section r/dragonsfuckingcars r/SCPORN r/fedlegs r/cummingonfigurines r/dragonbutts r/dragonpussy r/dragonpenis These have gotten boring 😔 Any help is much appreciated. Thanks.

## A truck loaded with Vicks Vaporub overturned on the highway

Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours

## I’m a time traveler, just arrived from 1990

It took me thirty years to get here.

## I was watching an Australian cooking show, and people started cheering when the chef made a meringue .

I was shocked. Usually Australians boo meringue.

## What do you call a bulletproof Irish man?

Rick O’Shay

## Kids should not run with scissors

And lesbians should not scissor with the runs

## I recently changed my alarm clock music to a Justin Bieber song.

Now I wake up 5 minutes earlier every day so that I don’t have to listen to it.

## Harry has decided to go into acting with his wife, Meghan Markle

He’ll be know as The Artist Formerly Known as Prince

## Some people like floors

but I’m more of a ceiling fan

## When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it's full groan

## I said to my wife “When I die,” I’d like to die having sex”

She replied "At least we know it'll be quick"

## Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritis pain. In other words…

…there is joint support for joint support for joint support…

## My friend received some land to build on…

He said, "Thanks, a lot".

## A guy marvels at himself in the mirror

Guy: "Ah just three more inches and I'd be KING" His wife on the bed behind him: "Three inches less and you'd be QUEEN"

## What does a robot do after sex?

Nuts and bolts

## I warned my daughter about using her whistle inside and gave her one last chance…

Unfortunately, she blew it!

## Day 173 without sex

Threw the blue shell in Mario Kart while I was already in first place to remember what it's like to get hit from behind.

## Why are Lawyers buried 12 Feet Under?

Deep down they're really good people

## “Push harder” I shouted at my wife while she was in labor…

"Push harder" I shouted at my wife while she was in labor. "Screw you" she screamed back at me. Bit harsh I thought…… it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to the hospital!

## Do you know the worst thing about the fire in Paris?

There's Notre Dame thing we can do about it

## Statistics show that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship are cheating…..

I just need to figure out if it's my wife or girlfriend

## What do you call a man with a car on his head?

An ambulance! He's got a car on his head!

## A wife asks her husband, “Have you ever seen twenty dollars all crumpled up?” “No” said her husband.

She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse, and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a silky bra, and pulled out a crumpled twenty-dollar bill. He took the crumpled twenty-dollar bill from her and smiled approvingly. She then asked him "Have you ever seen fifty dollars all crumpled up?" "Uh… no, I haven't" he said, with an anxious tone in his voice. She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively reached into her panties… and pulled out a crumpled fifty-dollar bill. He took the crumpled fifty-dollar bill and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation. Then she said "Have you ever seen $75,000 dollars all crumpled up?" "No!" he said… trying hard now to hide his anticipation. She said "Might want to check the garage".

## Why isn’t there any COVID-19 cases in Antarctica?

Because they’re ice-o-lated.

## A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank.”

Passenger: "Who?" Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time." Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody." Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy." Passenger: "Sounds like he was really something special." Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman could do everything right.” Passenger: "Wow, what a guy!" Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman." Passenger: "How did you meet him?" Cabbie: "I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his wife."

## I’m doing a one man show about puns at my local theater…..

……it's a play on words.

## I went out with my girlfriend to a fancy restaurant last night and after we’d eaten she kept insisting on paying for the meal.

I said, "Don't be stupid, we're half way down the road now. Just keep running!!'

## When I found out my toaster wasn’t waterproof…

I was shocked

## I took a bath with bubbles

No text found

## Why don’t they let you wear glasses in football?

Because it's a contact sport.

## What bird never knows the lyrics to a song?

A hummingbird!

## How do you measure how heavy a chili pepper is?

Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.

## My statistics professor told us that the larger the sample size, the more reliable are your averages.

The N’s justify the means.