Let’s help them share their success
I it helps when I Kant Handel.
I like Sony and Yamaha.
Somebody's gonna lose their trailer.
If you're one of those people, don't worry.
Went to a club with the wife and there was a guy on the dance floor going mental – twerking, breakdancing, spinning, moonwalking, back flips, the whole lot . My wife turned to me and said, “See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.”
I said, "By the looks of it, he’s still fucking celebrating!”
A four-chin teller
We all know who’s making that decision
It's a good thing I'm married…
Well… I’ve got a few twix up my sleeve.
No, seriously. It's not like they can go see a doctor
It was udder destruction.
Judge: First offender? Woman: No, first a Gibson, then a Fender.
I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking”.
Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”.
Its called the Groaner virus
The dog says, “but I rounded them up.”
How bad is it you ask? So bad, THAT…. My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. CEO's are now playing miniature golf. Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen. I saw a Mormon with only one wife. McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer. Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America. Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names. A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico. A picture is now only worth 200 words. When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room. The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates. And, finally… I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Afghanistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck!
He tied up his horse and entered a saloon When he exited the saloon, he found his horse missing The cowboy shouted, "I'm going to go inside for another drink, when I'm done, my horse better be returned. If not, I'll do what I did back in Texas." The cowboy went back inside the bar, got a drink, and returned to find his horse. As he saddled up, a man approached him and asked, "Out of curiosity, what did you do back in Texas?" The cowboy responded, "I had to walk home." P.S. Sorry
Those who understand binary, and those who don't.
A crop top.
They’ll lower the coffin into the grave, realize they put it in the wrong way and have to do it again.
..It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
Well maybe if it wasn't forced to have such strict requirements it would be more confident.
I thought, how dairy
The lunch bag of Notre Dame
6:30. Hands down.
He was running a huge pyramid scheme…
That I came to the door naked or that I knew where he lived