Level: Asian
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet
Cause they lactose
Bro, do you want this pamphlet?
Brochure.
![[Video] The Unemployed Software Developer](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/no_image_card-192-400x247.png)
Having a mobile makes it really easy to cheat on my wife.
My son stands behind her and texts me what cards she’s got in her hand.
My wife lost weight and started seeing ghosts…
Now she’s a medium.
Atheism
Is a non-prophet organization
How much do dead batteries cost?
Nothing, they’re free of charge.
My girlfriend tried to take a selfie in the shower, but it was too blurry.
She has selfie steam issues.
What is Forrest Gump password
1forrest1
Why do gay people smile so much?
It's hard for them to keep a straight face.
Don’t be mad at lazy people
They didn’t do anything
What’s the difference between Wuhan and Las Vegas?
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy, picked out a box of tampons, and proceeded to the checkout counter
The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?" "Eight" the boy replied. The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?" The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him… He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these, you will be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either"
To the person who stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you…..
You have my Word.
I guess I can’t really be mad about seeing the same jokes made on this sub
With a whole profession built around copy and pasting stack overflow it only makes sense you guys would copy and paste the same jokes over and over again
I’m trying to introduce my wife to my Scooby Doo sex fantasy.
I think it’s working, she said we should split up. She went to her parents house and I’m looking for clues in the garden.
What do you call a elephant dancing in a china shop?
Break dancing
There once was a baby born with no arms. His parents put him on the church’s stairs and vanished.
The local priest took him in and raised him, eventually giving him the job of ringing the bell for evening mass. So, each day, the child lined up from across the room and ran as fast as he could to hit the bell with his head. One day, the priest ate a banana and left the peel lying by the bell. As the child was running running running, he slipped on the banana peel and fell out the window to his death. When the cops came to investigate, the asked the priest for the child’s name. The priest said “I don’t know his name, but his face rings a bell.”
How do you get a Redditor to click a post?
No text found
My girlfriend isn’t talking to me. She said I ruined her birthday.
….I’m not sure how. I didn’t even know it was her birthday.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging few years ago.
Since then, my mugging attempts have been a lot more successful.
Online coding bootcamp image vs reality
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awOI37Uvj0M&feature=youtu.be
In an elementary school English class, kids are learning the word “contagious”. Teacher calls on students, asking them to use it in a sentence.
“Susan?” “I had a flu and mommy made me stay home for 3 days because I was contagious!” “Very good. What about you, Johnny?” “Our neighbor Mrs. Henderson has started painting her fence last night, daddy says it’s gonna take the contagious!”
What do you call a bisexual person who is single?
They are on standbi
I was at a really emotional wedding today…
Even the cake was in tiers.
I always wanted to be a Gregorian Monk…..
…..but I never got the chants.
How do you turn a three dimensional printer into a four dimensional printer?
Just give it time.
My girlfriend is turning 32 soon…
I've told her not to get her hopes up. "After all," I say, "we're only going to be celebrating it for half a minute." When she asked what in the world I was talking about, I pointed out, "This is your thirty-second birthday." For the life of me, I can't figure why doesn't think this is hilarious. I keep making sure to remind her of it every time we are around new people. Hopefully if she hears the joke enough she will start to appreciate it.
I’m trying to find out what the lowest rank in the army is
But everyone keeps saying it's private
There is a good chance you’ll fail your calculus exam if you are sitting between identical twins.
Because it’s hard to differentiate between them.
My wife & I decided to not have children.
We're not kidding.
Why don’t Native Americans like snow?
It's white and settles on their land
I accidentally lost my sex toy the other day.
It was a real pain in the ass finding it.