It was abominable!
Don't worry, he was just going through a stage.
Well the jokes on them – they’re imaginary too…
Diabetes. What?, did you really think I was gonna make a pie joke on my cake day? btw I waited 1 whole year to tell this joke
Because they can take down the whole world with one bat.
When the punch line is a parent
Dad: No. You’re grounded. Son: No fair! Dad: That’s exactly what I said.
It’s something that a hundred men or more could never do.
I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
They must neckered.
Sometimes he laughs.
When the big hand touches the little hand.
Just watched an episode of MasterChef. The contestants had to successfully infuse a lump of meat with THC or get eliminated
I guess you could say the steaks were high
Because water decreases concentration.
He wanted to keep things brief.
On the other hand, everything is OK.
I asked her if she got a good deal on her new crop top, and she heard me from across the street. Her ears are brand new!
You know, one would have been enough.
She walked up to me, hands behind her back.. "Check it out, dad! This is really funny looking!" "What? Lemme see…" And the little shit holds up a mirror to my face, giggling her head off. Payback is a bitch, little girl….
From a well, actually.
Because I couldn’t possibly have been named before him
Police officers are worth their weight in copper.
Still to this day holds the record as the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
Apparently you need to be a complete dick.
Terrible joke, only 3 stars
Then I know it will never come for me
A man rushes home late from work, slams the door open and plops himself down on the sofa. He turns on the tv and looks at his wife “quick” he says “get me a beer and some food before it starts!”
The wife gets up slowly looking startled but slightly excited. She wanders into the kitchen and comes back quickly with a beer and some food for her husband. The man gulps down the beer and looks back to his wife “quick!” He says “get me another beer before it starts!” The man goes back to flicking channels and stuffing food in his mouth. The wife stands up, obviously angry at her husband. And turn the TV off. “Now you look here! You come home late, don’t even say hello, don’t explain why you were late either! I bet you were with that harlot from work again wasn’t you? You said it was over, how could you do this to me! I cook for you, clean for you, and all you do is treat me like a slave! My mother was right about you! I even…. The man lays back on the couch, his eyes glaze over and he zones out. “Damn” he mutters to himself, “it’s started”.
Even though I don't own any leather hands.