Liquid Crystal Display
Dont have sex with sad people.
They're just trying to fill a hole.
i don’t know why everyone thought 73-year-old Bernie Sanders was too old to run for president four years ago…
…after all, he was in his prime.
Why do anti vaxxers hate vaccine jokes?
They never get them
Everyone at our wedding cried.
Even our wedding cake was in tiers.
I was so bored that I memorized 6 pages of the dictionary.
I learned next to nothing.
I couldn’t find my car scraper this morning so had to use a store discount card to scrape the ice…
Didn’t really work though, I only got 20% off
When i was younger i had a invisible Japanese friend…
as i grew up i just realised it was just my imagine-asian
Why did the transgender person disappear after they gave birth?
They became transparent.
Stolen, but proves that Boomers have become self aware, their humour knows no bounds…
https://ift.tt/3e90SO3
Stopped by a roadside stand that said lobster tails $2. I paid my $2 and he said…
Once upon a time there was this lobster…
My son took some exams to become a pirate
He kept getting high C's
Two antennas on a roof fell in love and got married. The wedding wasn’t much..
But the reception was incredible!
A lot of things changed after my girlfriend got pregnant
Like my name, phone number, address…
![Private healthcare ad [OC]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/FKWBfuk-400x400.jpg)
All of my friends have such expansive bucket lists, but mine…
…is just a little pail in comparison.
My wife wants to have sex over the telephone.
The bed might be easier though.
Police officer pulls over 2 Catholic priests. Says he’s looking for two child molesters.
Catholic priests looking at each other: We’ll do it!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandpa
Not screaming like the passengers in the car.
I got hit in the head by a soda can the other day…
Luckily, it was a soft drink!
Bad knock-knock joke #1
Knock, knock. Who's there? Spell. Spell who? Okay, W-H-O.
A new twist on an old joke.
Scientists recently did a study on the effects the right side and left side of a brain had on counting. They first took out the left half of a man's brain and asked him to count to 10. He says, "2, 4, 6, 8, 10". They put the left half back in and removed the right half, asking him to count to 10 again. He says "1, 3, 5, 7, 9". Finally they decided to just go for it and removed the whole brain. They again asked him to count to 10 one more time. He says, "Look. I'm great at counting to 10, ok? I love numbers and I have the best numbers. No one has better numbers than I do. My 4th grade math teacher – and let me tell you, she was the best and smartest math teacher in the country at the time – my 4th grade math teacher said to me that I am the best counter she's ever seen. The best. So if you want me to count to 10, let me tell you I can count to 10 alright. That's no problem. I will do it. I will. And I will do it better than any has ever done it before, ok?"
Why should the number 288 never be mentioned in company?
Because it is two gross.
I’m a 40 year old with the body of a 20 year old…
Any tips for burying him?
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar
The first mathematician orders a beer The second orders half a beer "I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies "Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2 "What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender remarks. "That's ridiculous." "Oh c'mon" says mathematician #1 "do you know how hard it is to collect an infinite number of us? Just play along" "There are very strict laws on how I can serve drinks. I couldn't serve you half a beer even if I wanted to." "But that's not a problem" mathematician #3 chimes in "at the end of the joke you serve us a whole number of beers. You see, when you take the sum of a continuously halving function-" "I know how limits work" interjects the bartender "Oh, alright then. I didn't want to assume a bartender would be familiar with such advanced mathematics" "Are you kidding me?" The bartender replies, "you learn limits in like, 9th grade! What kind of mathematician thinks limits are advanced mathematics?" "HE'S ON TO US" mathematician #1 screeches Simultaneously, every mathematician opens their mouth and out pours a cloud of multicolored mosquitoes. Each mathematician is bellowing insects of a different shade. The mosquitoes form into a singular, polychromatic swarm. "FOOLS" it booms in unison, "I WILL INFECT EVERY BEING ON THIS PATHETIC PLANET WITH MALARIA" The bartender stands fearless against the technicolor hoard. "But wait" he inturrupts, thinking fast, "if you do that, politicians will use the catastrophe as an excuse to implement free healthcare. Think of how much that will hurt the taxpayers!" The mosquitoes fall silent for a brief moment. "My God, you're right. We didn't think about the economy! Very well, we will not attack this dimension. FOR THE TAXPAYERS!" and with that, they vanish. A nearby barfly stumbles over to the bartender. "How did you know that that would work?" "It's simple really" the bartender says. "I saw that the vectors formed a gradient, and therefore must be conservative."
My wife turned and looked at me screaming, “Did you hear what I just said?!”
Seriously! Who starts a conversation like that?
What does COVID and riding a motorcycle have in common?
You can do everything right but other people can still fuck you over.
why cant you hear the pterodactyl pee
because its dead
Someone keeps sending me flowers with all the heads cut off
I think I’m being stalked
My teacher asked me how I view lesbian relationships…
Apparently 1080p Full Screen HD wasn't the right answer.
What’s the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
One will see you later, the other will see you in a while.
Why do some people post long jokes here?
This isn't where they be long.
I don’t know why they haven’t put any advertisements on the hulk
He is essentially a giant banner
Statistics say that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship is unfaithful.
I just need to work out if that's my wife or my girlfriend
I can’t believe someone broke into my garage and stole my limbo stick
Seriously, how low can you go?
