Literally 👌😂
Why don’t ants get sick?
Because they have little anty bodies
Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?
The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
Attila walks into a quaint Southern diner.
Waitress says, “What can I get you, Hun?”
There’s love without sex and there’s sex without love…
Then there's You, without either. Happy Valentines
Why can’t a nose be longer than 12 inches?
Because then it would be a foot
North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they’re brainwashed by the government and the media.
When every American knows that America is the best country in the world.
A man spending his first night in prison hears other inmates calling out numbers, followed by laughter.
The next day he starts talking to one of the inmates and asks about it. The inmate explains that after a few years there was no new jokes so they decided to just number all the good ones, that way they could save time in telling the joke. That night the inmates are calling out numbers again followed by great bouts of laughter. Wanting to fit in the man calls out '22'. Everything goes quiet and the man doesn't understand why. The next day he asks his new friend what went wrong, "was 22 not a funny joke?" "22 is one of the best jokes" came the reply. "Why did no one laugh then?" Said the man "It was the way you told it."
What is the least spoken language in the world?
Sign Language
When does a joke become a Dad joke?
When it's full groan.
We need to uninstall 2020 and then try reinstalling it
The current version has a nasty virus
As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field.
But hay, it’s in my jeans.
A Scotsman, Englishman and an Irishman were drinking at a bar
"As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow , there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink." "Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London , the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two." "Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Irishman, "back home in my favorite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid, all on the house!" The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. The Irishman swore every word was true. "Did this actually happen to you?" "Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it did happen to me sister quite a few times … "
I raised my left leg before the new year started…
…so I could start it off on the right foot. 🤮 Happy new year!
I’ve just bought the personalized number plate BAA BAA…
For my black jeep…
I bought some toothpaste.
It's not your typical food sauce
What do you get from a pampered Cow?
Spoiled milk.
Every room’s gotta have door,
and that's where I come in.
What’s the downside to cumming on the face of the girl you like?
Having to clean the monitor.
Did you know that before the crowbar was invented
They just drank at home.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
Wife: I have blisters on my hands from using the broom all day
Husband: Well next time take the car then silly
My grandpa went to Vietnam and he shot and killed dozens of North Vietnamese singlehandedly.
We are going on vacation somewhere else next year.
When you see your Gurt
Yo, Gurt!
How long is a Chinese name.
It really is.
We should give credit to the number 2.
It became a prime number against all odds.
If you drive a Tesla, but it gets stolen…
…does that make it an Edison?
Why did the beaver suddenly quit work?
Because he hated his dam job.
