Literally can’t rn 😂🤣😂🤣
I just tell her I hadn't noticed a vas deferens
They will tell you.
The marine says, "I once killed 50 enemy combatants with a single belt of my M249." The Navy SEAL says, "I wiped out an entire enemy compound with my K-Bar." The two look at the Delta Force and expect him to pipe up, but he just stares at the fire, stirring the coals with his penis.
The cops arrested him for attempted murder.
I can't make it stop but i can help them rise above it. The other day i said to them, “Look, boys…”
and sometimes Mayo neighs.
But I’m 22 to say it
Because Batman has sworn to protect goth ham.
The experience was jarring.
Sally sells C-cells by the Seesaw.
Said Tom, being frank
The difference is staggering
There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting…
He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair." "What I want you to do…" the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong." So they did. Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them. And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.
You can hide, but you cant run
It’s called making the little things count.
A cold shoulder.
He said it was a little plane
Then it just clicked.
He sits down and orders 10 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks “Rough day?” The guy responds “I just found out my brother is gay and is dating my best friend.” The next day the guy goes back to the bar and orders 20 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks “what happened this time?” The guy responds “I just found out my son is also gay” The next day the guy goes in and orders 30 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks “Does anyone in your family like women?” The guy responds “apparently my wife does”
That I revealed cheat notes from a calculus test from 1972
Batman: Of course not. Robin: Batshampoo? Batman: Okay, yes there is that. Robin:……… Batman: But there is also Conditioner Gordon
I asked little Johnny why he started doing so well in math after we sent him to the Christian school.
He said he didn't want to end up like the guy they nailed to the plus sign.
When I got home from work I found two turds in my toilet. I know for a fact when I left there were three.
The police verdict? Hummuscide.
It doesn't last long for fat people.
I looked at it and said, “This isn’t for me.”
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are standing, watching a street performer do some juggling.
The performer notices they have a rather poor view, so stands on a large box, asking 'Can you see me better now?' They reply: 'Yes' 'Oui' 'Si' 'Ja'
In China, dogs are E10.
It was a huge ore chasm.
So she can moan with the other.
Don't know what I'm going to do in the mean time…
He was a small medium at large.