When I became a teenager, my father gave me a 30 minute Power Point Presentation on the dangers of having unprotected sex.
All the slides were just pictures of me.
Dad jokes are the best
Wife: I have to tell you something. I'm pregnant. Husband: Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad Wife: No you're not.
I’ve got 99 problems.
My math teacher is a bastard.
This sub is really disappointing me lately.
I'm going to try the meatballs next time.
One day, Billy saw Mom jumping on Dad in bed.
During breakfast the next morning, Billy asks Mom "Why do you jump on Daddy before going to bed every night?". The Mom, looking over at Dad with a embarrased expression, says "Well, your Daddy gets very fat every night eating dinner, so I have to jump on him to get his stomach flat.". The Son says "Oh, well, that won't work.." said the Son. The Mom, now curious, asks why not, and the son say "Well, as soon as you fall asleep, Ms.Dollip (Their neighbor) comes in and blows him back up again."
I like telling dad jokes
He laughs at them sometimes
He did say that
They had a dream…
Ding ding ding!, 38% of Americans
What’s the cheapest meat? Deer balls.
They're under a buck.
iPhone 12 Trailer – 48 Cameras (Parody)
Little known fact…Before the invention of the crowbar
crows did all their drinking at home.
Harsh Punishment please!!
Dollars for some
Why was the forest so noisy?
The tree’s bark.
A Man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder.
The bartender says “What an interesting pet, whats his name?” “Tiny” the man replies. “What an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?” “Because…He’s my newt.”
What do you call a group of Russian pessimists?
A so-be-it union.
Call it , what it is
How does NASA throw parties?
Being a field reporter is a tough gig right now
This was shared on Facebook in an album of different boomer cartoons depicting “phone bad”
#textblob #python #translator Spell Checker & Languages Translator pro…
I was in a long McDonald’s drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn because I was taking too long to place my order.
“Take the high road,” I thought to myself. So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own. The cashier must have told her what I'd done because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank you.", obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with kindness. When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food too. Now she has to go back to the end of the line to start all over. Don't honk your horn at old people.
Sadder or Funnier?
Stolen from twitter
They said that a mask and gloves were enough to go to the supermarket.
They lied, everyone else has clothes on.
Here you go dad
I am a little confused about why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday
I don't know what to make of it
People say Facebook knows more about us than we do
Facebook still thinks I have friends.
Grandchild okay; phone bad
A sketchy guy just came into my shop and bought six smoke machines. So I called the cops.
He must be a part of some extreme mist group.
404 Decorations Not Found
Why do they all use this font?
Some nurses notice that when they give a comatose woman a sponge bath, her heart monitor starts beeping more when they wipe between her legs.
Out of ways to bring this woman out of her coma, the nurses decided to ask her husband if he would consider oral sex with his wife to see if that would help bring her out of her coma. He was initially hesitant, but they assured him that the curtains would be closed and no one would see. So, he decided that he would do it. The husband goes into the room, and the nurses gathered outside of the room with their eyes glued to the monitor, hoping something would come of it. Suddenly, the heart monitor flatlines. The nurses are shocked. The husband comes out of the room, and the nurses immediately ask him what happened. He responds, "I think she choked."
An oldie but goodie
Very Fine People
What is a pirate’s favorite letter?
(After they reply with R) Ye think it’d be Arr, but me first love be the C
Mum sent this
I tried 10 passwords already!
My wife asked if her turn signal was working
I said "Yes. No. Yes. No."
Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?
Because if it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan
The first time I used an elevator..
Was a really uplifting experience. The second time let me down.
H2O be like
I just realized, this sub doesn’t inherently make fun of boomer humor, it just compiles it.
Some boomer humor is actually good, some is wholeheartedly trash, but both sides of the spectrum exist, and both can be enjoyed.
It’s a OCD thing
The roaring 2020s
Reddit was down this morning
Leaving millions of workers nothing to do except their jobs
Non-war news bad
Me: *chuckles in poor*
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton-balls and a ball of string on the counter. The sales girl says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?" He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's so much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own… so does she."
Dictionary to Thesaurus: When are you ever better than me?
Thesaurus: I can give you more than one example.
Why would they ask in the first place
Justice is best served cold
Because if it were served warm, it would be justwater.
Why is it called Almond milk?
Because no one would buy it if it was called nut juice.
The Trump supporter dilemma
I’ve got two pet monkeys who share an Amazon account…
They're prime mates…
Protest sign in Australia
Recursion go brrrr
Well boys, we did it. Legacy software is no more
Two months late, and a ventilator short
There’s always one
I was at the bar last night when the waitress yelled out, “does anyone know CPR?” I yelled out, “Hell, I know the whole alphabet!” Everybody laughed. Well, except for this one guy.