Little Johnny at the nudist beach
Little Johnny and his parents decided to spent the day at the beach. He goes off to play in the sand only to return a few moments later.
"Mom why are some women's breasts bigger than others?" To which his mom replied.
"The women with bigger breasts are more silly" satisfied with this answer he goes off to play for a while longer.
Later the boy asks why some men's penises are bigger than others, his mom tells him
"Men with bigger penises are dumber" once again content Johnny goes off to play again.
A while later he returns with a grin on his face and tells his mom,
"Hey Mom Dad is talking to the silliest girl here and he just keeps getting dumber and dumber"
Why did Donald Trump take Xanax
For Hispanic attacks
How many Feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. Men can be Feminists, too.
3 frogs get arrested
The first frog goes in and the judge asks him, "What's your name?" "Frog," he replies. "What did you do?" "I was just blowing bubbles in the pond, your honor." With that, the judge lets him go. The second frog goes in. "What's your name?" asks the judge. "Frog Frog." "What were you doing?" "I was just blowing bubbles in the pond, sir." With that, the judge lets him go. The third frog comes in. The judge says, "Let me guess, your name is Frog Frog Frog." The frog says, "No, my name's Bubbles."
I thought I could score higher if I stuck to textbooks, I’ll know soon if I was wrong
https://ift.tt/2TPHZqL
What’s a decent Asian stereo type?
Sony and Yamaha are my favorite.
Once upon a time there was a monk, who farmed carrots.
Every day a thief would sneak into his farm and steal 3 carrots. The monk always tried to stop him, but never succeeded. He began to wonder why the thief was stealing exactly 3 carrots each time. He decided he was going to stop the thief. He started chasing him through the fields, but got outran very quickly. – "I can't run that fast" – The monk thought. He started training. He trained for days, weeks, months, until he became the fastest monk in the whole world. He then returned to his farm. As always, the thief appeared and took 3 carrots. The monk started chasing him through the fields until they reached a fence. The thief jumped over it, but the monk stopped. – "I can't jump that high" – He thought. He trained for days, weeks, months, until he became the highest jumping monk. He returns to the farm, the thief steals 3 carrots, he chases the thief through the fields, they both jump the fence and they arrive at a lake. The thief jumps into it and swims away. – "I can't swim" – The monk thought. He trained for days, weeks, months, until he became the best swimmer among all monks. He returns to the farm, the thief steals 3 carrots, he chases the thief through the fields, they both jump the fence, swim across the lake, they reach a mountain and the thief climbs it. – "I can't climb" – The monk thought. He started training climbing for days, weeks, months, until he became the best monk mountaineer in the world. He returs to his farm, the thief steals 3 carrots, the monk chases him, they both jump the fence, swim across the lake, climb the mountain. When they both arived at the mountain top, the monk blocks the thief's way. Suddenly, he punches the monk in the stomach. – "I can't fight" – the monk thought. He started training for days, weeks, months, until he became the best boxer of all monks. He returs to his farm, the thief steals 3 carrots, the monk chases him, they both jump the fence, swim across the lake, climb the mountain. When they both arive at the mountain top, the monk blocks the thief's way and knocks him down with one punch. – "Why are you only stealing 3 carrots at a time?" – He asked the thief. – "I will tell you, but promise to never tell anybody". And the monk kept his promise.
To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camo jacket
You can hide, but you canāt run.
My mom always told me I wouldn’t accomplish anything by laying in bed all day
But look at me now, I'm saving the world.
No I donāt want to play who can act like a cat the longestā¦.
No I donāt want to play who can act like a cat the longestā¦.
How are your grades son?
Son: Theyāre underwater Dad: How are they underwater Son: Theyāre below C level
My brother went to his AA meeting drunk, then he tripped down the stairs.
He's been having lots of trouble with the steps lately.
My mate David had his ID stolen…
… I now call him Dav.
Jokes about the weather can be funny…
To a certain degree.
I was blessed with a 9 inch penis
That priest is in prison now
I invented a new word today
Plagiarism
My friend send me this at 3am what is this question bruh š
My friend send me this at 3am what is this question bruh š
What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
"I'm lucky to have lived this long despite my dangerous line of work and the frankly displeasing state of healthcare in the 16th century"
Bad knock-knock joke #3
Knock knock. Whoās there? Etch. Etch who? I'm sorry, did you sneeze? Bless you.
A German tourist jumped in the freezing water to save my dog who was drowning…
After he climbed out he handed me the dog and said "here is ze dog, keep him varm and dry him off he vill be fine", I said "are you a vet?", He replied "vet? I'm fucking soaking!"
Batman walks into a room which alfred is Ƭn, late at night.
"Alfred could you fill up the bathtub please" batman said after entering the room. Alfred replied with, "what's a htub sir?"
A television newslady is interviewing a horse that can tell whether a person is a homosexual or not. “Am I homosexual?” Asked the newslady. “Neigh,” said the horse.
The newslady turns to the camera and says, "you heard it folks. 'Straight' from the horses mouth."
Iām not sure if I like toast.
On the upside, itās buttered. But on the downside, itās not.
Mod Applications
We’ve been talking about mod apps for years now, but it’s never actually materialized.Well, here’s the Google FormAfter a week or so we will look through all of the responses and stalk profiles do research and see who the best candidates are.
My son asked me, āWhat was your favourite music to listen to when growing up?ā I said, āLed Zeppelinā.
My son: Who? Me: Yes, they were good too.
How do astronauts say sorry?
They apollo-gise
When your mom is out and the food is in the fridge
When your mom is out and the food is in the fridge
I used to work at a calendar factory
But I got fired for taking a couple of days off.
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses.
She drinks right out of the bottle.
A young woman was so depressed with her life that she decided to end it by throwing herself into the ocean.
When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "Moreover, I'm lonely too and need someone to love me." The girl understood what he meant. But she nodded yes; after all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her food and wine and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?" the captain asked. She got up off the ground and explained, "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors. He's taking me to Europe, and he's fucking me." The captain looked at her, "He sure is lady, this is the Staten Island Ferry."
Two guys are sitting at a bar and both have black eyes
They laugh about the situation, and one guy says to the other, āWhat happened to you?ā āWellā, he says, āI was at the airport and I go up to the counter to find this gorgeous, chesty woman working. And instead of saying, āHi, Iād like two tickets to Pittsburghā, I accidentally said āHi, Iād like two pickets to Tittsburghā, and she punched me in the eye. What happened to you?ā, he asks the other man. The second man replies, āI was sitting at the table with my wife having breakfast. I meant to ask her, āHoney, can you please pass the Post Toasties?ā But I accidentally said, āYouāre ruining my life, you fucking bitch.āā
What did they call the lightsaber when it was first invented?
Cutting-edge technology.
Which days are the strongest?
Saturday and Sunday, the rest are weekdays.
I like my women like I like my coffee.
From a third world country and at a reasonable price.
What has two butts and kills people
An assassin
What do you call a French man wearing sandals?
Phillippe Phillop.