Little meme that I made.
Young Virgin Couple
Young Virgin Couple A young virgin couple are finally wed. Each one is nervous about the impending night, but neither are willing to admit or ask each other about it. Wondering what to do first, the young man calls his father. "Pop, what do I do first?" "Get naked and climb into bed," his father replies. So, the young man does as he is advised. The girl is mortified and calls her mama. "Get naked and join him," is the advice from mama, so she complies. After laying there for a few moments, the young man excuses himself and calls his dad again. "Now what do I do?" he asks. His father replies, "Look at her naked body. Then, take the hardest part of your body and put it where she pees!" is the dad's advice. A few moments later, the girl again calls her mama. "What do I do now?" she asks. "Well, what is he doing?" mama asks. "He's in the bathroom, dunking his head in the toilet!"
My sister got married the other day and now has 16 husbands….
Four richer, four poorer, four better and four worse…
Son: “Mom, Dad, I’m gay.”
Mom: Stares at Dad Dad: Clenches fist Mom: "Don't!" Dad: Sweats Profusely Mom: "…" Dad: "HI GAY, I'M DAD"
I’ve never gone to a gun range before.
I decided to give it a shot.
After hearing me sing for the first time, my music teacher told me I should be tenor.
Tenor twelve feet away from her and all musical instruments at all times.
What do you call a fear of giants?
Fe-Fi-Phobia
So there’s a new hotel that’s just opened up called 12:59:59pm.
I heard their service is second to one.
How do you send warships via email?
Google Docks
After you die, what part of your body is the last to stop working?
Your pupils. They dilate.
Whats the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?
One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
Today, my son asked “Can I have a book mark?” and I burst into tears.
11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
Things I do to piss off my wife
Sext her out of nowhere and then text back right away “sorry wrong person”
An elderly couple is in church. The wife says to the husband, “I’ve let out one of those silent farts, what do I do?”
The husband says, "Change the battery in your hearing aid."
A man walks into a restaurant and notices Lobster tales for a cent on the menu.
He asks the waiter: "Why they are available so cheap? What's wrong with them?" Waiter says, "Nothing, actually they've been bought here just today." So the man orders some. The waiter returns with a book, sits down and says, "Once upon a time, there was a big red lobster…"
My little daughter came to me all excited, saying, “Daddy! Daddy! Guess how old I’ll be in June!”
“Oh I don’t know princess, why don’t you tell me?” I said. She gave me a huge smile and held up four fingers. It’s now three hours later, police have joined in and she still won’t say where she got them.
I don’t get what Christians are trying to warn us about. Hell sounds like a great place
People are dying to get there.
How do you get a country girl’s attention?
A tractor.
Why was the cheese deformed?
Because it was inbred.
![A moth-are-f*cking picture :]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/cjj32myzyoh41-400x227.jpg)
I’m not very good at making memes but this opportunity couldn’t be passed up. Ugh
https://ift.tt/31nixtU
At age 12, Little Johnny was blessed with a nine inch penis.
And three years later, that priest went to prison.
Two men with Alzheimer’s at the beach
They're peckish and want some food. The first man, Bob, says “Carl, do you want to buy us a couple of ice creams?” Carl: Sure what do you want? Bob: vanilla ice cream in a cone, a flake and chocolate sauce Carl: Ok, I’ll be back now. Carl walks off… Bob: Now you will remember what I want? Carl: Yes, vanilla ice cream in a cone, a flake and chocolate sauce. Bob: Correct Carl walks a little further… Bob: Don’t forget now Carl Carl: I won’t, vanilla ice cream in a cone, a flake and chocolate sauce Carl is nearly at the ice cream van Bob: Carl?!!! DON’T FORGET WHAT I WANT!!!! Carl: I WON’T, VANILLA ICE CREAM, CONE, FLAKE AND CHOCOLATE SAUCE… A little while Carl walks back with 2 burgers. Bob: Fucking hell Carl where’s my fries??!
I was warned not to steal kitchen utensils
But it's a whisk I am willing to take.
What do you call a fat psychic?
A four-chin teller.
I asked a librarian if she had a book about Turtles.
She said hardback? I said yeah with a little head.
A professor, a janitor, and the school’s principal are leaving for the day when they discover a magic fairy.
The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day." The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After just a few minutes, he can't take the kids' screaming any longer, so he throws all his supplies and gives up. The principal says "I'll be a waitress. All you do is carry food back and forth. This'll be a breeze." She is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive her insane, so she smashes her plates on the ground and gives up. The janitor says "I'd like to be an artist." He is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, and sells it for several million dollars. The fairy asks the janitor "The other two did not go well at their job. How were you able to become so successful?" The janitor says "I have a masters degree in art."
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid!
A perfectly triangular lake has 3 kingdoms on its 3 sides
A perfectly triangular lake has 3 kingdoms on its 3 sides. The first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people, the second is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power. The third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army. The kingdoms eventually go to war over control of the lake, as it's a valuable resource to have. The first kingdom sends 100 of its finest knights, clad in the best armour and each with their own personal squire. The second kingdom sends 50 knights, with fine leather armour and a few dozen squires of their own. The third kingdom sends their one and only knight, an elderly warrior who has long since passed his prime, with his own personal squire. The night before the big battle, the knights in the first kingdom drink and party into the late hours of the night. The knights in the second kingdom aren't as well off, but have their own supply of grog and drink well into the night. In the third camp, the faithful squire gets a rope and swings it over the branch of a tall tree, making a noose, and hangs a pot from it. He fills the pot with stew and has a humble dinner with the old knight. The next morning, the knights in the first two kingdoms are hungover and unable to fight, while the knight in the third kingdom is old weary, unable to get up. In place of the knights, the squires from all three kingdoms go and fight. The battle lasts long into the night but by the time the dust settled, only one squire was left standing – the squire from the third kingdom. And it just goes to show you that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.
I stayed up all night trying to figure out why the sun disappears…
…then it dawned on me.
