Loading in third perspective
She didn't know I existed
I thought I locked the basement I don't know how she keeps getting down there
Because some relationships don't workout.
I replied, "No, Im the guy who takes the longest baths in the city".
Nothing’s better than being 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 37, 41, 43, 47, 53, 59, 61, 67, 71, 73, 79, 83, 89, or 97 years old
Those are the years you’re in your prime
They start coffin.
Seven. If you you remove the S it becomes even. Heard from my nine year old three minutes ago. I’ve never been more proud.
A 50 Cent concert featuring Nickelback.
One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.
Because they make the toys.
"I'm lucky to have lived this long despite my dangerous line of work and the frankly displeasing state of healthcare in the 16th century"
Isn't the whole point of marriage to have the same sex for the rest of your life?
Because they can’t have mussels.
I think its days are numbered.
It’s the roughest bar at the end of the roughest street in town. It’s full of the scariest, meanest bikers you ever saw. Swaying slightly, he scans the room and stops when he finds the biggest, toughest-looking guy in the place. He stumbles over to the guy’s table, points at him and says in a loud voice: “I FUCKED YER GRAMA, YOU SON OF A BITCH!” Place goes dead quiet. The big guy doesn’t move, but he also doesn’t take his eyes off the old man. “You hear me, asshole?! I FUCKED her every which way for HOURS, and you know what? She LOVED it!!She BEGGED for more! What do ya think of THAT?!” The biker says nothing. This just makes the old man angrier. “What’s the matter with ya, ya pussy? Ain’t you got nothing to say?!” Slowly, the massive biker rises to his feet . . . . . . and says . . . “Let’s get you home, Grampa. You’re drunk.”
A laughing stock
So I handed her the divorce papers and said “may div orce be with you”
Nobody could remember her face
Because they make the toys.
We haven't got a gig yet.
Before the crowbar was invented, most crows drank at home.
But sometimes I have trouble getting into the driver’s seat.
Two test tickles.
You look for the fresh prints.
When a small four seaters plane crashed into a cemetary. Irish search and research workers have discovered 965 bodies so far, but they expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night. Yes, my kid just told me that and then started giggling non-stop.
No text found
I said, "Go on then" Now I'm doing twelve years for a crime I didn't commit.
I'm still working on it.
IF YOU DON’T CALL BANANAS; POTTASIUM SWORDS THEN YOU ARE WEIRD
"Congratulations!", he says, "You wasted your entire pitiful life!" "Well," the man replies, "at least I'm not a adult living in my father's basement." Satan, fighting back tears: "Fuck you, go to hell!"
Because he couldn't see that well.
I would have $6.38.