Lockdown is giving my mum too much time to browse memes
orion’s belt is a waist of space…
terrible joke, only three stars
A limbo champion walked into a bar.
He was disqualified.
You know why vaccinated children are more likely to have autism?
They live past the age of three
A blonde goes to work in tears.
She says, "My mom died." He told her to go home, but she said, "No, I'll be fine." Later that day, her boss finds her crying again. He says, "What's wrong?" She replies, "I just talked to my sister, and her mom died, too!"
My father has schizophrenia…
…but he’s good people…
I think it’s wrong that only one company…
…makes the game Monopoly.
![Getting too real while teaching Javascript to a student. [VIDEO]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/maxresdefault-4-400x225.jpg)
I called the doctor, “My Wife is going into labor! What should I do?”
“Is this her first child?” He asks. “No this is her Husband.”
Wife: “Honey, I’m Pregnant.”
Husband: "Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad" Wife: "No you're not…."
Did you hear about the guy who’s left side was cut off?
Now normally I would say he’s all right. But actually he’s dead.
The wife asked if she could wear one of my wife beaters today…
I was like "Yeah, knock yourself out".
My brother didn’t like jail
My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him and smeared the walls with his own faeces. After that, we never played Monopoly again.
Two goldfish are in a tank.
One says to the other, "you know how to drive this thing?"
How are dog catchers paid?
By the pound!
“I didn’t have time for the impeachment, and presidents don’t play golf during pandemics.”
https://ift.tt/2LQWyWW
What did the mamma llama say to the baby llama said he was out of lunch money?
"Alpaca lunch for you”
I asked the clerk where the Terminator action figures were
She said "Aisle B, back".
After an amazing 69 with his girlfriend, Kevin remembered he had a dentist appointment.
He was afraid that the dentist would smell pussy on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times and on top of that 2 liters of mouthwash. As he arrived at the dentist he chewed 5 strong mints too. The dentist told him to take a seat. Feeling confident & relaxed he opened his mouth wide. The dentist got close enough & said, "Man did you have a 69 before you came here?" Kevin, shocked says, "Why, No! Does my breath smell like pussy?" The dentist says, "No, but your forehead smells like ass!"
In Jamaica, a slice of pie costs $3.50. In the Bahamas, a slice of pie costs $5.50.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
What do whores and Walmart have in common?
We all make fun of them, but when we’re inside one at 4am we’re glad they’re around.
Don’t be sarcastic with a kleptomaniac.
They take everything literally
A year ago, my physician told me I would be going deaf.
I haven't heard from him since.
I just had to divorce an Apple employee
It was an iDivorce
What did Santa say when he caught an elf stealing toys?
don't be elfish!
A man came up to me and said “Man, your clothes look gay”.
I said "I know, they came out of the closet this morning".
So, Jehovah’s witnesses don’t celebrate Halloween.
I guess they don't appreciate random people coming to their door.
Another film has been released about a barrier in India.
It's a Sikh wall.
I accidentally bought too many art supplies
I'm having an excess stencil crisis.
