Lockdown is giving my mum too much time to browse memes
terrible joke, only three stars
He was disqualified.
They live past the age of three
She says, "My mom died." He told her to go home, but she said, "No, I'll be fine." Later that day, her boss finds her crying again. He says, "What's wrong?" She replies, "I just talked to my sister, and her mom died, too!"
…but he’s good people…
…makes the game Monopoly.
“Is this her first child?” He asks. “No this is her Husband.”
Husband: "Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad" Wife: "No you're not…."
Now normally I would say he’s all right. But actually he’s dead.
I was like "Yeah, knock yourself out".
My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him and smeared the walls with his own faeces. After that, we never played Monopoly again.
One says to the other, "you know how to drive this thing?"
By the pound!
"Alpaca lunch for you”
She said "Aisle B, back".
He was afraid that the dentist would smell pussy on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times and on top of that 2 liters of mouthwash. As he arrived at the dentist he chewed 5 strong mints too. The dentist told him to take a seat. Feeling confident & relaxed he opened his mouth wide. The dentist got close enough & said, "Man did you have a 69 before you came here?" Kevin, shocked says, "Why, No! Does my breath smell like pussy?" The dentist says, "No, but your forehead smells like ass!"
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
We all make fun of them, but when we’re inside one at 4am we’re glad they’re around.
They take everything literally
I haven't heard from him since.
It was an iDivorce
don't be elfish!
I said "I know, they came out of the closet this morning".
I guess they don't appreciate random people coming to their door.
It's a Sikh wall.
I'm having an excess stencil crisis.