A man leans toward her and asks, "Do you mind if I say a word?" "No, go ahead," replies the woman. The man stands, clears his throat, and says, "Plethora," then sits back down. "Thanks," says the woman, "that means a lot."
A roamin' catholic.
that when you put it in a girl her immune system tries to fight it.
They'll be the first billionaire to pay taxes
It wasn’t much of a wedding but the reception was wonderful.
I lost interest in that relationship
Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health. From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan’s side. It even learned to dig for clams.
One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week. His wife answered the door. "Sure…" his wife said. "It will cost you $500." "That much?" "But you're getting my husband and his otter. They bring up more clams than anyone else in town." "I just want Juan. I'll hire him alone for $350." the man countered. "Sorry…" she shrugged. "You can't have Juan without the otter."
My partner thinks Adidas, but I think Reebok is a good name for a baby boy.
Everybody came, you should have seen her face!
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.
It was tense.
One day he got so angry, he just flipped.
They lied, everyone else has clothes on.
It saves time on laundry, since a lot of the time they hang themselves.
But now I'm clean.
I'm a faux pa.
But theres too many drawbacks
Hand him a used tampon and ask which period it’s from.
The drill slipped.
This morning at breakfast, my dad looked at us very seriously and said, “It hurts me when I say this..”
..”But I have a sore throat.”
only a fraction of people will get this joke
“On what day will I Die?” The seeress assured him that he would die on a Jewish holiday. “Why are you so sure of that?” demanded Hitler. “Any day,” she replied, “on which you die will be a Jewish holiday.”
Parents: "arson?" Police officer: "yes, your son"
But I feel like it’s been posted here before.
In fact, I think I'm gonna rub one out
ME: Where are we going? Dad: To pick up our glasses from the optometrist. ME: Than What? Dad: We'll see..
That’s just how I roll.
I said, “I’m good but im not ready to compete in a tournament yet.
Can’t hear a vitamin
When I'm so inclined.
and find his way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice,the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I’m a 6′ tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate. What’s more, the fella sitting next to me is blonde and he’s a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she’s a pro wrestler. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?” The blind man replies “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”
… a wrecked angle.
…but the cashier always keeps putting it back!
But all my friends are at least 30.
Apparently the correct term is conjoined twins.