Lol
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose.
A vulture carrying two dead raccoons tries to board an airplane…
The stewardess stops him and says "I'm sorry sir, you're only one carrion per passenger!"
My grocery store had a great deal on baked sweets today
It’s really been a great cake day
I cannot believe there’s no cure for obesity yet.
I thought it would be a walk in the park.
Women shoots her husband
A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station. "I have an interesting case here " he says "A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped". "Have you arrested her ? " asks the sergeant . "No not yet the floor is still wet"
Did you hear about the hungry clock?
It went back four seconds
I got mugged by six dwarves last night.
Not happy.
Why do programmers prefer dark mode?
Cause light attracts bugs.
What do chemists do with the dead?
They Barium
[At a parole hearing] Officer: Tell me, why should you be released early?
Inmate: It’s bec.. Officer: Yes? Inmate: I think I have.. Officer: Go on. Inmate: Can I Please finish my sentence? Officer: Sure. Parole denied.
What does a magician say when hiding a dead body?
Abracadaver!
What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?
An irrelephant
Q: Why did Star Wars episodes 4,5, and 6 come before 1,2, and 3?
A: Because in charge of directing, Yoda was.
From now on all boomer reaction memes will be removed. (Boomers: Insert laughing here)
This sub is for comics and nothing else. If you have any questions please leave a comment on here.Edit: Proud of you guys! Thank you for following the rules!
Why did the cannibal die of COVID-19?
Too many handshakes
Why don’t blind people like to go skydiving?
It scares the dog.
Einstein finally developed a theory about space…
It was about time too! badoom chaaaa
I wrote a book about my love of punctuation.
The Comma Sutra.
What did the Atheist say upon dying and meeting God?
Well I’ll be damned.
Why do French tanks have rearview mirrors?
So they can see the battlefield.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
It's fine, he woke up.
What number is a sport?
Ten is
What is an opinion without 3.14?
An onion.
What is Yoda’s last name?
Lay hee hoo
I like telling Dad jokes
Sometimes, he laughs!
Is it crazy how saying sentences backwards…
Creates backwards sentences saying how crazy it is?
People say I’m a plagiarist…
Their words, not mine.
You’ve been elected president of the phobia society.
I was afraid of that.
What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two!
BREAKING NEWS!! .. Man hospitalized with 6 plastic horses up his ass
Doctors describe his condition as stable
Why did the scarecrow get an award?
He was outstanding in his field.
Why do flamingos stand with one leg up?
If both were up, they'd fall down.
How do you turn a three dimensional printer into a four dimensional printer?
Just give it time.