lOl xD sO fUnNy
When Hitler removes Polish with chemicals, everyone loses their shit..
I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.
I relabeled all of the jars in my wife's spice rack. I'm not in trouble yet, but the thyme is a cumin.
She acts like I don't exist until she wants something.
He was really good with his chord changes
Sorry, that's my fault.
Maths, and he couldn’t remember the other one.
A strange woman answers. The guy says, "Who is this?" "This is the maid.", answered the woman. "We don't have a maid!" "I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house." "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?" "Ummm…she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband." The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?" "What do I have to do?" "I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jerk she's with." The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots. The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?" "Throw them in the swimming pool!" "What pool?" "Uh.. is this 832-4173?"
It's a day care scenter.
If it is, I don't get it
A laughing stock
I’m beginning to suspect they got someone else
The shopkeeper asked if I was going to put it up myself. I said “no, it’s going in the living room”.
Ensures that you end up in the cast…
and lowers it
The brunette tells them, "I found cigarettes in my daughter's room, I can't believe she smokes! " The red head said, "I know, I found some beer in my daughter's room. I couldn't believe it! " The blonde says "That's nothing! I found condoms in my daughter's room. I never knew she had a penis! "
But it's clear to me now.
A handful of them.
You boil the hell out of it.
A wife treats her man by taking him to a Strip Club for his birthday… At The Club, The Doorman Says, "Hey Johnny, How are You?" The wife asks, "How does he know you? Johnny says, "Oh dear, I play football with him." Inside the Bartender Says, "The Usual, Johnny?" Johnny says to Wife, "Before you say anything, He's on the Darts Team." Next a stripper Says, "Hi Johnny! Do You Crave the Special Again??" The wife storms out dragging Johnny with her & jumps into a taxi… The Taxi driver Says, "Hey Johnny Boy! You picked up an ugly one this time…."
Me: Make up your mind.
She’s been raising a lot of red flags.
My response; "guess it didn't work out."
the wedding wasn't much to speak of, but the reception was excellent.
But not if you die late.
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I take something for it.
No text found
It's ok though, he woke up.
If it sinks it's a girl ant If it floats it's boy ant
It scares the dog.
Couldn't get enough, so I looked out of the window to watch America: Civil War.
because it was soda-pressing