Long but worth it. Day 10 especially
but not the ones she’s been giving me lately.
I told him it was an older version of a henway. “What’s a henway?” My son asked. “About 5 pounds” I replied.
Yesterday my seven year old son asked me "where does poo come from?". I was a little bit uncomfortable but I gave him an honest explanation. Then he looked at me a little perplexed for a few seconds and then he asked "And Tigger?"
It was SpaceXXX.
No text found
Would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?
Got my dream job today. I get my own 200 thousand dollar company car and a corner window with a view of the city..
Being a city bus driver is a dream come true.
Wife: whatever means necessary. Me: No it doesn't.
So today my dad had a stroke and while we were waiting for doctors to come back he grabbed all the cords to the ekg cords connected to him and said, "I feel like I'm behind the TV!" My dad always makes jokes in time of panic and pain. I guess that's where I get it from.
In the English language, the word “pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis” has the most number of syllables at 19.
This narrowly beats out the runner-up, "Gloria" (18 syllables). Source: Catholic Exchange Note: full disclosure, I heard this absolutely glorious (hah!) joke years ago, but when I was retelling it earlier thought of another way to set it up. It's just a grand coincidence that that word in the OP I can barely understand had only one more syllable than "Gloria".
They didn't like me critter sizing.
Just heard the best Dad joke in real time at the Jiffy Lube and I bet this guy has been waiting his whole life for this moment. Clerk: "Sir, are you here for an oil change?" Guy (probably in his 70s): "No, but the car is." Clerk: (puts head on desk and starts laughing)
Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter.
We now call him Dr. Awkward.
A plasma gun
I just didn't want toupee for it
One is really heavy…and the other…is a little lighter.
Those that understand binary and those who dont.
I’m clean now!
I answered: “Well, I think my greatest weakness is my poor listening skills.”
The secret service isn’t allowed to yell “Get down!” anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
because its dead
She didn’t even know I existed…
…but I'm slowly getting over them.
He's going to he'll.
At least that’s what she wrote in her diary.
When its apparent.
He even laughs sometimes.
"Usually an overdose, son," I told him.
No, thanks, dad. Come, have a drink with your father! Dad, I'm 5. – Dad is shitfaced but he insists: Ok, just one shot. The kid drinks it and start crying: Ewwwww, it's disgustiiiiiiing! Ha! You see?! And your mother thinks I'm sitting here having fun! (Russian joke)