Look at that Van Gogh
But you don't carrot all. That was corny. Don't beet yourself up about it. This is below my celery. Lettuce go our seperate ways.
I'm not sure how I feel about that at the moment.
Mexico and Canada.
I think I'm going to banner.
And its a 45 minute walk from the pub to my house. The difference is staggering.
Baaaa dumb hisssssss
Cause they’re dead
I don't know what he laced em with, but I've been trippin all day!
Every other time I've seen them, they were under a buck.
"Ma'am", he said, removing his hat, "I'm here about your husband. We have bad and good news". "Please, give me the bad news first", the woman replies. The officer replied: "I'm sorry, but somone stabbed your husband, cut his skin off and threw his corpse in the harbor." The woman began wailing, and crumpled to her knees. Utterly despondent she begged the cop: "Please, what could possibly be the good news?" He replied: "Well Ma'am, when we pulled him up he had 20 four-pound lobsters crawling on him. Would you like one?" Sobbing even louder, the woman shouted: "How DARE you! I've never been so insulted in my entire life!" The officer replied: "Well, if you change your mind, we're pulling him up again tomorrow morning."
A mathematician walks into a bar, asks for a beer for himself, and then 10 beers for everyone else there.
The bartender says, “Wow! That’s a different order of magnitude.”
It's a young blonde genie's first day on the job. After returning to genie HQ from her very first charge, she is clearly distraught. The other genies, concerned, ask her what's wrong. She tells them of the young man who's wishes she granted. For his first wish, he asked for a truckload of money. Easy enough, *poof* I provide him with a huge truck, filled top to bottom with cash, and he appears very happy. For his second wish, he wants to be adored by hundreds of beautiful women. I Grant him this wish as well. All the women who are walking by smile and wink at him. One of her fellow genies says, " well, that all sounds great, why are you so upset?" Our genie replies, the last wish is what I just don't understand. He seemed so happy with his first two wishes, why with his third did he wish to be hung like a black man?
Usain bolt can finish a race
"Whom, sweetheart?" "Mike the mailman." "Mike the mailman? But he could be your father!" "But mom, age is just a number." "Sweetheart, I don't think you understood."
Anyone else concerned with how quickly the virus has jumped from human to politician?
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Turns out people don’t like it when you go the extra mile for them.
It was a brief case Edit: my first silver! Thank you, kind stranger.
Except for the movie Up. He's never gonna give you Up.
I called my friend just now and said, "I have a joke for you." Friend: "Ok shoot" Me: "What has a tiny penis and hangs down?" Friend: "I dunno what?" Me: A bat.. now what has an enormous penis and hangs up? Friend: I dunno what? Click
Which unfortunately cost her 12 points and a bonus chance…
But there’s too many drawbacks
My wife said it was a huge waist
They turnip the beets.
"385, my liege." "Okay, round them up." "400, my liege."