Love the amazing facebookmemes
He’s good at saving
Just one, but the lightbulb has to want to change.
If only they could see me now.
Me: Oh yeah, what was it on? Her: Paper. I was so proud.
…have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
But it still has potential.
Cause I’m not sure – I don’t have 2020 vision. You’re welcome, Dad
On his way to the lake he sees one guy dressed from head to toe in red standing on the side of the highway gesturing him to stop. Our guy rolls down the window and asks, “How can I help you?” “I am the red bastard of the asphalt, you got something to eat?” With a smile on his face he hands one of his sandwiches to the red dressed guy and drives away. Not even five minutes later he comes across another guy. This time the guy is dressed fully in yellow, standing on the side and waving him to stop. A bit irritated our guy stops, cranks down the window and asks, “What can I do for you?” “I am the yellow bastard of the asphalt, you got something to drink?” Hardly managing to smile this time he hands to the guy a can of soda and then stomps on the pedal and takes off again. In order to make it to the lakeside before sunset he decides to go faster and not to stop no matter what. To his frustration he sees another guy on the side of the road, dressed all in blue, making a hand signal to stop him. Not quite willing our guy decides to stop a last time. He rolls his window down and yells to the guy, “I know, you’re the blue bastard of the asphalt. But just what the heck do you want?” “Driver’s license and registration please.”
I think its days are numbered.
Inmate: It’s bec… Officer: Yes? Inmate: I think I have… Officer: Go on. Inmate: Can I Please finish my sentence?! Officer: Sure. Parole denied!
I have no idea who let her into my office.
Just for shits and giggles.
All the DNA matches and there's no dental records.
It's down to its last quarter.
So I just got my wife with this one… She asked to go to Victoria’s Secret to buy some new underwear… She complained that her favorite pairs had holes in them…
I said "of course they have holes in them, how else are you supposed to get your legs through?" I could feel the eye roll from across the room
Since, she is a private tutor, of course.
The rotation of the earth
Which takes the total number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.
It turned into a laughing stock. That's a humerus joke.
… guess you could say he sleighed it
It makes it really weird when I'm fucking her and I think of my girlfriend.