Low effort meme

I walked up to a fit girl at a bar the other night and said,
"Hey gorgeous, can I buy you a drink?" She said, "Do you like sex?" I said, "Of course I like sex." She said, "Do you like to travel?" I said, "Yeah, I love to travel." She said, "Then fuck off."
I finally found out why Nurses Cary red crayons
Incase they have to Draw blood.
What do you call a fear of giants?
Fe-Fi-Phobia
There are 10 types of people in this world.
Those who understand binary, and those who don't.
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden.
To my horror, I saw her kill a butterfly. To teach her a lesson, I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month." Today in the kitchen, she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try."
A bartender is closing up and sees a customer lying on the floor
He picks him up, and the guy falls down. He picks him up, guy falls down again. Finally the bartender slings the guy over his shoulder and takes him to an address he finds in the guy's wallet. When they get to the guy's house the bartender stands him up again, and the guy crumples to the ground. The bartender bangs on the door and the guy's wife answers. "Here's your drunken bum of a husband," the bartender says The wife asks, "Where's his wheelchair?"
When I was a kid, my parents would always say, “Excuse my French” after a swear word…
I’ll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any French…
What does DNA stand for?
National dyslexia association
I went on a tea marathon last night.
After 5 chamomiles, I was exhausted.
I just failed a fire safety course when they asked what steps I would take in case of an explosion.
Apparently “Fucking large ones” wasn’t an acceptable answer.
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer
The bartender says sorry, we don't serve food here
I keep hearing people say “sweet Jesus”…
…but if you ask me he tastes saviory
At his wedding, my buddy called me the worst best man he has ever seen.
I was speechless.
I thought my son was spending too much time playing computer games, so I stopped him and said, “Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace.”
He considered that for a moment before replying, "Yeah, well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."
What sneakers to pedophiles wear?
White Vans
A slice of apple pie in Jamaica is $2.00. In the Bahamas it costs $2.50.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
I’m never again donating money to anyone collecting for a marathon.
They just take the money and run.
Why does my cancer doctor let me phone her any time day or night?
Because she's an on-call-ogist
How do you tell the sex of an ant
Drop it in water. If it’s a girl: girl ant. If it’s a boy …
What’s the best part about fingering a gypsy on her period?
You get your palm red for free
RIP to longtime ‘the Price is Right’ host Bob Barker
He’s still alive, but he’s 95 years old, and I want my guess to be closest without going over.
Which US president was least guilty?
Lincoln. Cause he was in a cent.
My girlfriend is turning 32 soon…
I've told her not to get her hopes up. "After all," I say, "we're only going to be celebrating it for half a minute." When she asked what in the world I was talking about, I pointed out, "This is your thirty-second birthday." For the life of me, I can't figure why doesn't think this is hilarious. I keep making sure to remind her of it every time we are around new people. Hopefully if she hears the joke enough she will start to appreciate it.
Juuls aren’t that bad
They are just USB sticks And when you exhale, you get cloud storage.
Who is a Covid-19 patient’s favorite composer?
Drycoughsky
What’s the difference between someone from Dubai and someone from Abu Dhabi?
People from Dubai don't like The Flintstones but those in Abu Dhabi do.
Just a warning if you’re buying a watch on Amazon.
I learned the hard way that if it says you can swim with it, this only applies if you can already swim without it.
What do you call a chubby psychic?
A four chin teller
Mom, I’m dating a man.
-Whom, sweetheart? -Dante the mailman. -Dante the mailman? But he could be your father! -But mom, age is just a number. -Sweetheart, I don't think you understood.
What Christmas song do they sing in the psychiatric hospital?
Do you see what I see?
I was going to post a time travel joke..
But you guys didn't like it.
A man and a woman are sitting side by side at a bar getting really wasted. They both look really depressed.
The man asks the woman why she's so down and she replies, "My husband left me because he said I was too kinky in bed." "What a conicidence" he said. "My wife just left me. She said I was too kinky in bed too." They start talking and after a few more drinks they decide to go to the woman's apartment for some kinky sex. When they arrive at her apartment she tells him she needs a few minutes so she can slip into something more uncomfortable. She comes out of the bathroom with a tight black leather outfit, holding a whip and handcuffs. Then she hurries into the kitchen and comes out with tabasco sauce, whipped cream and a rolling pin. She notices that the man is putting on his coat and is walking towards the door to leave. "What's going on?" she asks. "I thought you wanted to get kinky?" He turns around and says, "I just fucked your dog and shat in your purse. I'm all done."
How does the moon cut his hair.
Eclipse it
I walked into a bank, pointed a long, thin piece of wood at the ceiling and shouted…
"This is a stick up!"
Kenny Loggins Should Do A Song With Kenny Passwords.
No text found
How many dead bodies does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, it's not 6, cause my basement is still dark
What’s brown and sticky?
A Stick
I went to a bait and tackle shop the other day
They lured me in the door and then knocked me down.
I created a graph explaining all my past relationships
It has an ex axis and a why axis.
Why did the condom fly accross the room?
It was pissed off…
Me: Can I have a turn in the hedge now?
Hedgehog: No
Xbox was struggling…
but they really turned it around with the 360.