Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man who run in front of car get tired.
But they're all too basic 🙁
Got them tested, one came back positive. I hope it's not terminal.
Because there was gold in them/their hills.
Either you have twice as many dad jokes or get stuck in an endless loop of "go ask your mother"
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
Cause people are dying to get in.
I think that's a bit far fetched.
i never get a straight answer
A literalist takes things literally and a kleptomaniac takes things, literally.
At least, that’s what she said in her diary
It means a lot to them
5. 1 to change the bulb and 4 to shoot the room up for being black
Because they're always stuffed.
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it…
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate. When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards." He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh… the Sixth… the Fifth…" Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate. He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."
It was the least I could have done for him.
But it turned out to just be a pyramid scheme…
There would be mass confusion
"Saved For Later"
He was waiting for good dough.
A man blind from birth hears about new surgery that can give him sight. He goes to the doctor who tells him he can do the surgery. He asks if being able to see will have any negative impacts on his life. "Well," the doctor says. "You won't be able to maintain an erection." "Is that a common side effect from the surgery," the blind man asks. "No," says the doctor. "It's just that your wife is ugly."
He said, “Poop!” It was a shit joke
I said, “No. Is that still required?”
…makes the game Monopoly.
The plot thickens
Anna One, Anna Two
My life is a joke.
The Doctors were trying to convince me, I'm actually a Swedish bloke who had forgotten his identity… But I wasn't Bjorn yesterday!
They said if i didn't pay it back on time i'd be repossessed
Put an apple logo on your product.
But I’m thinking of giving it a shot.
I just think it's surprising how mαny people bring a knife on a dαte.
Jim and John wanted a drink real bad, but they barely had a euro between them. Jim had an idea. He bought a large sausage. They went into a pub and ordered 4 drinks each. Jim said, "Don't worry, I have a plan. I'll stick the sausage through my zipper & you go on your knees and put it in your mouth. The bartender will get mad and throw us out." They did exactly that, and sure enough, the bartender threw them out of the Pub. They then went from pub to pub, had free drinks, and each & every time, they were thrown out. By the time they got to the 10th pub, John said, "I can't do this anymore, I am drunk & my knees are killing me." Jim replied, "How do you think I feel.. I can't even remember at which pub I lost the Sausage!!
We have to. She doesn't have one.
I'll find you. I have contacts.
…until the pressure got to him.
One gets killed by kryptonite, the other gets killed by Crips tonight.