Username checks out.
They kind of fell off.
My dad always said, “ Find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.”
“She knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them.”
I said: “Of course not. I was going to put it up in the living room.”
Mom: Stares at Dad Dad: Clenches fist Mom: "Don't!" Dad: Sweats Profusely Mom: "…" Dad: "HI GAY, I'M DAD"
Apparently Nancy Pelosi thought it was tearable.
but this isn't even my final form.
There was hell toupee.
People always ask where I got my incredibly detailed tattoo done, but they never believe me when I tell them Spain.
Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.
but then it dawned on me.
A cactus keeps the little pricks on the outside.
Cause they lactose
Well the jokes on them – they’re imaginary too…
A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!”
The lumberjack grinned, “And you will dialogue!"
She walked up to him and said this isn’t working out.
And a Czech one too. And a Czech one too.
It was cooked in Greece
One day my prints will come.
She didn’t know I existed.
I come from a long line of wood winds, so I was shocked when my daughter said she wanted to be a percussionist
But thinking back, when I checked her instrument case, the cymbals were always there.
An old pilot is telling some schoolchildren about his days in the airforce. He says, “so there were 3 fuckers to the right of me, 1 fucker behind me and 2 fuckers to my left”. The teacher interrupts, “you see children, the Fokker was a German plane”.
The pilot replies, "that may be, but these fuckers were in Messerschmidts".
Before she was buried the earth was flat
Be tall, it's much better.