Manager Managing fine
/u/username hates the hotel he is staying in and starts packing his stuff.
Username checks out.
Flat earthers have been quiet recently.
They kind of fell off.
My dad always said, “ Find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.”
“She knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them.”
I cut down a Christmas tree today. My wife asked me if I was going to put it up myself.
I said: “Of course not. I was going to put it up in the living room.”
Son: “Mom, Dad, I’m gay.”
Mom: Stares at Dad Dad: Clenches fist Mom: "Don't!" Dad: Sweats Profusely Mom: "…" Dad: "HI GAY, I'M DAD"
Wanna hear a joke about the ozone layer?
[depleted]
Did you see Trump’s speech last night?
Apparently Nancy Pelosi thought it was tearable.
Friend told me to stop filing taxes and go watch anime with him
but this isn't even my final form.
Satan was really mad when he went bald.
There was hell toupee.
People always ask where I got my incredibly detailed tattoo done, but they never believe me when I tell them Spain.
Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.
I was up all night wondering where the sun went,
but then it dawned on me.
What’s the difference between a school bus and a cactus?
A cactus keeps the little pricks on the outside.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet
Cause they lactose
My friends laughed at me when I told them I had a hot date and they said she was imaginary…
Well the jokes on them – they’re imaginary too…
A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!”
The lumberjack grinned, “And you will dialogue!"
A girl saw her boyfriend flirting with other girls at the gym
She walked up to him and said this isn’t working out.
What do young male Spanish cows call each other?
Moo-chachos.
I have a Russian friend who’s a sound technician.
And a Czech one too. And a Czech one too.
Did you know the first French fry wasn’t cooked in France?
It was cooked in Greece
What did cinderella say when her photos didn’t arrive on time?
One day my prints will come.
![[visible confusion]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/v42d1y0frjf41-1-400x674.png)
I once fell in love with a girl who only knew 4 vowels.
She didn’t know I existed.
I come from a long line of wood winds, so I was shocked when my daughter said she wanted to be a percussionist
But thinking back, when I checked her instrument case, the cymbals were always there.
An old pilot is telling some schoolchildren about his days in the airforce. He says, “so there were 3 fuckers to the right of me, 1 fucker behind me and 2 fuckers to my left”. The teacher interrupts, “you see children, the Fokker was a German plane”.
The pilot replies, "that may be, but these fuckers were in Messerschmidts".
Yo mama so fat
Before she was buried the earth was flat
Don’t belittle kids.
Be tall, it's much better.
