Manager Managing fine
The creator of the throat lozenge has died.
There will be no coffin at his funeral.
In order to improve higher education…
We must build taller schools
Coworker dressed as Chewbacca: “This costume is too hot to work in, I’ll never do that again”
Its ok it was a wookie mistake
If anyone says you have to work 365 days in 2020 in order to succeed, they don’t have your best interests in mind and is preaching toxic hustle culture
You need to work 366 days cause it’s a leap year
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool.
I gave him a glass of water.
Why is women’s soccer so rare?
It’s hard finding enough women willing to wear the same outfit.
If God had low self esteem, would that make him an atheist?
Because he doesn’t believe in himself
What is a pirate’s favorite type of music?
You would think it'd be ARR and B, but it turns out he's very into hip hop.
![What is recursion? [OC]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/uysgsbgqpcb41-400x400.png)
Today my son and I walked past a gym and he said “looks like they’ve closed down.”
My response; "guess it didn't work out."
A new Tesla doesn’t come with the new car smell…
It comes with an Elon Musk.
Back in the U.S.S.R.
An old Jew is on his deathbed. With weak voice he asks to call for a partorg because before his death he wants to join the Communist Party. A happy partorg rushes to him with filled out membership form to sign and a ready Party membership card. As the Jew signs the form he carefully takes the membership card and presses it against his heart. In a peaceful and happy voice he whispers: "Today one more communist will die"
Where is EA Sports headquarters located?
It’s in the game.
I named my dick sgt. Hartman.
Cause it's good at drilling privates.
An Englishman, Irishman, Welshman, Scotsman were captured while fighting in a far-off foreign land,
and the leader of the captors said, "We're going to line you up in front of a firing squad and shoot you all in turn. But first, you each can make a final wish." The Englishman responds, "I'd like to hear "God Save The Queen" just one more time to remind me of the auld country, played by the London All Boys Choir. With Morris Dancers Dancing to the tune." The Irishman replies, "I'd like to hear "Danny Boy" just one more time to remind me of the auld country, sung in the style of Daniel O'Donnell, with Riverdance dancers skipping gaily to the tune." The Welshman answers, "I'd like to hear "Men Of Harlech" just one more time to remind me of the country, sung as if by the Treorchy Male Voice Choir." The Scotsman says quickly, "I'd like to be shot first."
The computer is connected to watt?
Tech Support: Thanks for calling our repair shop, how may I help you? Customer: I unplugged my space heater and my computer said “no signal” and went black! Tech support: Does the keyboard or mouse make it turn back on? Customer: No, it doesn’t. Tech support: Did the power strip turn off? Sometimes they trip off when something like that gets unplugged. Customer: No, it’s still on, still has the green light. Tech support: Could you follow the cords on your computer and make sure none are frayed? Customer: (rustle rustle) Okay, both cords are fine. They’re good as new. Tech support: (Thinking, both cords? There should be more than 2 on a desktop) Could you tell me where the cords go? Customer: One goes to the wall, and the other one goes to the space heater. Tech support: The cord on your computer goes to the space heater? Customer: Yes. Tech support: (facepalm) Try plugging the “space heater” back in. Customer: Oh! Now the computer is working again.
Fred is a hippo who went to University where everyone is a hippo
One day, someone asked him where the medical building was, Fred replied, "it's over there and to the left. I do research on the brain in there." Fred is an expert on the hippocampus.
What does a magician say when he sells his stuff
No strings attached.
It makes sense that Minecraft appeals to kids.
I mean, they are Minors.
It’s ironic that in America, red white and blue stands for freedom…
… unless they're flashing behind you.
How do you get a farm girl to like you?
A tractor
What type of underwear does Lara Croft wear?
Fruit of the tomb
What are German Nazis and grammar nazis both guilty of?
Crimes against piece
A Blonde Woman Asks For A $5000 Loan
A blonde woman walks into a bank in NYC before going on vacation and asks for a $5,000 loan. The banker asks, "Okay, miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?" The woman says, "Yes, of course. I'll use my Rolls Royce." The banker, stunned, asks, "A $250,000 Rolls Royce? Really?" The woman is completely positive. She hands over the keys, as the bankers and loan officers laugh at her. They check her credentials, make sure she is the title owner. Everything checks out. They park it in their underground garage for two weeks. When she comes back, she pays off the $5,000 loan as well as the $15.41 interest. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very appreciative of your business with us, but I have one question. We looked you up and found out that you are a multi-millionaire. Why would you want to borrow $5,000?" The woman replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
What room of a house does a ghost not need?
The LIVING ROOM
What kind of organization does an atheist start?
A non-prophet one