Math pun.
What would you call a sword made of ice?
Excali-buuurrrrr
Why are Americans bad at League of Legends ?
They canโt defend the towers
I tried to steal a window but the guilt was overwhelming.
I could not take the pane.
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
My marriage is like a fairytale
A witch is waiting for me at home
So I lost my job at the bank on my very first day…
An old woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
If I Was That Guy, I Would’ve Bought A Lottery Ticket On The Way
If I Was That Guy, I Would’ve Bought A Lottery Ticket On The Way
My friend Ty came in first in the Beijing marathon, but was not given the gold medal.
The Chinese refuse to recognize Ty won.
Our country is about to switch from imperial to metric units.
There will be mass confusion.
What does a Jew do to his coffee?
Hebrews it.
Who’s Santa’s favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley.
Donโt take life too seriously.
Youโll never get out of it alive anyways.
My wife asked me to pick up some of those pills that help with getting an erection.
So I brought her home diet pills.
What do you call a elephant dancing in a china shop?
Break dancing
I had a vasectomy so I won’t have kids
But when I got home, they were still there.
You’ve heard of Alphabet Soup…
… now get ready for Times New Ramen
Carolyn, a rich blonde, buys a new automatic Jaguar XKR Sport. She drives the car perfectly well during the day, but at night, the car just won’t move at all…
After trying to drive the car at night for a week (but without any luck), she furiously calls the Jaguar dealers and they send out a technician to her. The technician examines the car and finds nothing wrong with it. So he turns to the blonde and asks, "Ma'am, are you sure you are using the right gears?" Full of anger, the blonde replies, "How on earth you could ask such a question!? I'm not stupid you know! Of course I am using the right gears; I use D during the day and N at night."
This is my horse, Mayo.
Friend: why did you call him that, heโs not even a white horse? Mayo: [neighs]
I know that we all have different views and argue a lot on reddit, but hereโs something we have in common.
People who are reading this are on the same page.
I think we can all agree, that He is truly the immortal one.
I think we can all agree, that He is truly the immortal one.
My coworker Jim sits next to another coworker, Collin. One day, Jim replaced the nametag on his cubicle to also say Collin
I asked him, "Jim, your name isn't Collin. What's going on?" He replied, "We're trying to Collin-ize the area." (True story)
I think my parents are the funniest people in the world
They made a joke 19 years ago, and people are still laughing at it.
Here’s some advice for all men
If you get a boner in public, point up at the sky and shout "OH FUCK LOOK OVER THERE!" It's all about the missed erection
In my career as a lumberjack I cut down exactly 52,487 trees
I know because I kept a log