May divorce be with you.
A father in law
because it takes too long to walk in a V-shape
I went to the doctor’s yesterday and told him that I kept thinking I was Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck. With a look of concern, he asked…
“How long have you been having these Disney spells?”
All I did was take a day off!
But I'm still not 100% shore
… to have his head shaved. "What should I pay you?" the monk asks. "No price, for a holy man such as yourself," the barber replies. And what do you know, the next day the barber comes to open his shop, and finds on his doorstep a dozen gemstones. That day, a priest comes in to have his hair cut. "What shall I pay you, my son?" "No price, for a man of the cloth such as yourself." And what do you know, the next day the barber comes to open his shop, and finds on his doorstep a dozen roses. That day, Rabbi Finklestein comes in to get his payoss [sideburns] trimmed. "What do you want I should pay you?" "Nothing, for a man of God such as yourself." And the next morning, what do you know? The barber finds on his doorstep — a dozen rabbis!
It would be "bad at following directions"
Because if they had 4 doors, they would be chicken sedans.
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
It's a cover version.
Which means the UK will still have a functioning government.
… Make me one with everything.
…I told her it wasnt my fault, they look just alike. But she didnt believe me because her hair is a lot longer than his.
My grandfather, who was in the army, once told me, “1940, I met my first love. 1946, my second. 1950, I met the woman of my dreams.”
“It was quite a hectic evening.”
so I tried it. It doesn't.
I'm starting to think pearl harbour was an accident
Their username checks out.
would I just have beer?
It's a pun-croc band.
Now it's just beer.
Librarian: I’m sorry, I don’t think it’s in yet. Me: Yeah, that’s the one.
But it just ended up being more sluggish.
If they pulled up both legs they would fall over.
But its harder to deter gents
I found it a little hard to swallow.
Don't know what I'm going to do in the mean time…
A tomato, because most people will look at him and see a vegetable, but he's really a fruit.
My wife said, “I dreamed they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for a hundred dollars and the thick ones went for two hundred dollars.”
Chuckling, I asked, “How about the ones like mine?” She retorted, “Those, they gave away.” Not to be outdone, I said, “I had a dream too. I dreamed they were auctioning off pussies. The pretty ones went for a thousand dollars, and the tight little ones went for two thousand.” She quizzed, "And how much for the ones like mine?" To which I replied, “That's where they held the auction.”
To know about current events.
Like bro you were there wtf
They’re his watch dogs!
I'm going to try the meatballs next time.
He said "uno, dos…" and then disappeared without a tres.