Maybe the rat that’s coming to save her?
Teacher : Why didn’t you come to the school yesterday?
Student : My dad is in the hospital 1 week later.. Teacher : Is your dad still in the hospital? Student : Yes, he is a doctor.
4 Bedroom, “2” bathrooms – Perfect New Home for a Systems Admin
I am not poking fun at anyone for being lower income, you can tell by the picture it’s a nice home. But in my search for a home I found this house and their master “bathroom” really sold me.https://imgur.com/j1345OnPlease post all potty IT jokes
Son: I’m gay, Dad.
Dad: No, I’m gay Dad. Dad #2: No, I’m gay dad.
I recently found out the medical name for Viagra
Mycoxaflopin
I don’t trust umbrellas.
They're shady.
I am able to suck my period blood back into my vagina…
Allow me to demenstruate.
My time machine broke, so I took it to the time machine repairman.
He just walked up to it, kicked it and said “they sure don’t make them like they will do soon.”
What do you call a bee who never brags?
A humble bee
My daughter had asked me what a Steakhouse was ..
My response was "Of course, it's a house made of steaks. Except the floor of course. That's made of ground beef." Heard the wife's eyes roll from across the room.
My favorite pornstar died last night.
I woke up today with mourning wood.
A farmer has triplets, and they’re getting ready for prom night
. The first date arrives, and in redneck tradition, the farmer greets him with a shotgun in hand. The boy tells the farmer, "My name is Teddy, I'm here to pick up Betty, we're going to get spaghetti, is she ready?" The farmer looks the boy over, and then calls Betty to go with him. The second date arrives, and greeted by shotgun, nervously states, "My name is Joe, I'm here for Flo. We're gonna see a show, can she go?" The farmer thinks for a moment, then lets Flo go with Joe. The night's third suitor rings the bell. He says "My name is Chuck-" and the farmer shoots him.
I downloaded all the music to the movie Titanic.
It's syncing now.
My grief counselor died today.
Luckily for me he was so good, I didn't give a shit.
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves.
The boy sees a worm trying to crawl into an anthill. "I bet fifty bucks that I can get that worm into that anthill!" says the boy. "Your on," says the grandfather. "That worm is too wiggly." The boy runs into the house, comes back with a can of hairspray, and sprays it on the worm until the worm is as straight and stiff as a board. The old man pays his grandson fifty dollars. At dinner time, the man gives the boy another fifty dollars. "I though you already gave me my fifty bucks!" says the boy. "I did," says the grandfather. "This is from your granny."
What do you call an evil Muslim?
Muhahahahahahammed
From now on all boomer reaction memes will be removed. (Boomers: Insert laughing here)
This sub is for comics and nothing else. If you have any questions please leave a comment on here.
A husband and wife are doing a crossword puzzle…..
A husband and wife are doing a crossword puzzle. Husband: Programs for mobile devices. 4 letters Wife: Apps Husband: Adolescent, 4 letters Wife: Teen Husband: Contraction meaning failed to perform, 5 letters Wife: Didn’t Husband: Take a life, 4 letters Wife: Kill Husband: Religious songs, 5 letters Wife: Hymns Husband: Santa’s little helper, 3 letters Wife: Elf
What’s the difference between my husband and Gollum?
A ring actually means something to Gollum.
Did you hear about the mathematician’s son who was scared of negative numbers?
He stopped at nothing to avoid them.
I prefer to have my milk churned.
It’s butter that way.
Some people think the cost of wigs is too high
Personally, I think it’s a fair price toupee.
My girlfriend just admitted she used to be a Christian, so I broke up with her.
It might seem judgemental, but I have only known her since she was Christine.
Are slugs just snails that have gone through a divorce?
“Yep, she got the house”
I am suspicious that my wife is secretly adding glue to my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
I give to you a joke I made up when I was seven: Why did the computer crash?
Because it had a bad driver! drops mic
What do you call a youtuber who’s also a werewolf?
Lycansubscribe
What did the zero say to the 8?
Nice belt
As I was racking up to shoot some pool with my son, he said, “Do you wanna break?”
I said, “We just got here. How lazy are you?”
Went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage
The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity.
![How did I miss THIS award ceremony?! [OC]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/k3pnojn1xog41-400x430.jpg)
Two wind turbines in a field
One turns to the other and says "what kind of music are you into?" The other one replies "I'm a big metal fan"
How do you clickbait someone?
No text found
